Mooning

Au revoir (I hate the French). Since I’m going to be a little preoccupied next weekend doing important things like color coordinating my t-shirts and DVRing my programs I probably won’t have time to recap the wedding and preview the honeymoon till after we get back. Rather than keeping you in limbo for the next 2 weeks, I figured it would only be polite if I gave you a little Costco demo of the honeymoon.

I have obsessive compulsive disorder (also known as (aka) OCD) with planning things. I plan what socks I will wear to work, I planned at what points of ‘Party Rock Anthem’ the bridal party pairs will enter to the second because #weddingdayimshufflin, needless to say I had a ball planning the honeymoon. For those of you who could care less about where we will be getting donuts at on Tuesday 6/21 I will be give you a the ‘www.pinkmoney.com’ version of it here, besides I will be checkin-ing to all the places as well.

We will be heading to the Yay area for a whole lot of nothing. We want to keep the walking to a minimum and wine to a maximum. It is my goal to eat an entire flatbread pizza and pretend to know what good wine is each day we are on vacation. We are spending 2 days in downtown San Francisco, 3 days in Sonoma, and 2 days in Napa… that’s 7 days (a week total) for you Mathematics majors.

Day 1: We leave Sunday morning and fly into SFO, where we will  BART it to the Hotel Abri to take a photo outside the hotel then, take a cab to the Motel 6, where we will really be staying… jk jk. We’ll probably relax, loiter at the mall a little bit, treat myself to some Air Max 95s, buy Danielle a fro-yo, and call it a night.

Day 2: Wake up really early (make Danielle mad because we should be sleeping-in on our honeymoon) catch some continental breakfast bagels, coffee, and read the ‘San Francisco Chronicle’ because I like to switch it up a bit. Wake-up Danielle around 2pm and walk to somewhere where we can say that we saw the Golden Gate Bridge. Then I want to head to Fisherman’s Wharf, I hear it’s kinda dirty and smells like fish but that is expected. I then will gorge myself with all you can eat sushi, as I research ideas for my new food truck concept “Now Sashimi, Now Ya Don’t.”

Day 3: We’ll wake up at break of dawn, just as the sun peaks over the ocean’s horizon… I hear the sun rising in the West is beautiful. We’ll check-out in a jiffy and pick up our economy rental car downstairs. I splurged for the Hyundai Accent to make sure we could fit our luggage in the backseats. Everyone knows that four-doors are a waste of space! We’ll head to the countryside and check-in at the Madrona Manor and spend the night eating and doing “absolutely nothing.

Day 4: Hopefully after so much of nothing I will be able to sleep-in and enjoy some breakfast in bed. I’m packing chocolate chips in my carry-on in case they don’t have any for my Johnny-cakes. Then to mix it up from the wine a little bit it’s time to confuse my palette at Bear Republic Brewery. We didn’t have time to be able to hit Rogue Brewery in the PDX so this will have to suffice. I have yet to plan a dinner location for Day 4 in Sonoma, so your suggestions are welcome.

Day 5: Thursday will be much more stressful for me because I have agreed to be spontaneous at least one day. The plan is to head to downtown Healdsburg (I hear it is just quaint and adorable) to wing it and stop a cute little bakeries for some croissants and other cute shit like that. They probably have a clock-tower we’ll ask a local to take a picture of us under…

Day 6: Now that all uncomfortable stuff is out of the way, it is time to party. Sensual couples massages to the soothing sounds of ‘Enya’ will kick of our stay at The Chantric Inn in Napa. Then we will be boarding the wine train and go on adventure through many-a-vineyards. I’ll probably get all bro-y with a guy who wears socks with sandals and Danielle will probably fall in love with some little flower girl she saw getting ready for a wedding. Dinner at Bottega for Piedmontese Beef Rib-Eye sherry vinegar-honey glazed shallots, truffle-parmigiano fries

Day 7: Rise and Repeat. Mustards for a Mongolian Pork Chop.

Day 8: The sad day. Upon our check-out I’ll drive 55mph on the freeway back to the city. Not because I won’t want it to end yet but because I just like to drive slow… why speed, there’s no rush! We’ll get to the airport and realize we forgot to check-in online and get C boarding.

I’m not sure if I’ll have sig on my beeper in the deep and dark jungles of California, so please don’t get mad if we don’t call you back right away and call you from the pay-phone bank. I apologize ahead of time if checkin more than 5x a day and post mobile uploads more than 3x a day. Anything less than that, you’ll just have to hide me from you feeds. Keep us in your prayers and that I let loose a little bit, otherwise I may not come back with all of my limbs intact.

Places I want to explore…

Throughout my childhood I had the privilege of traveling across the country with my uncle going to various sporting events. Super Bowls, All-Star Games, etc… I’ve been to pretty much every major city but was not really able to experience all they had to offer. It is hard to really explore when you are on an extended layover or have a set and busy itinerary. So, I have compiled a collection of places I would like to visit and really experience.

Chicago, Illinois: It seemed like a nice city from the huge terminals of O’Hare and is one of those places I feel like I should go. I hate the wind, their teams, and deep dish pizza but I feel like I will have never really lived and can go on with my life hating Chicago teams even more after being there. I gotta go to Wrigley and watch a game from across Sheffield, watch a Knicks vs. Bulls game and take a picture in front of MJ, and eat a Chicago style hot dog.

Nawlins, Lousiana: Obviously during Mardi Gras. Not only is it the biggest party in the world but it is as far away from hurricane season as possible. I wanna rock an LSU Shaq jersey all week to match my purple and gold beads. I want to have full-on conversations with rednecks fresh off the bayou, where I cannot understand a word they’re saying. I want to go to Emeril’s and have crawfish gumbo and help rebuild a house flattened by Katrina. I want to wear my seer sucker suit and light blue gators and to a black gospel church and dance in the aisles. Tell me this video doesn’t give you the chills…

Savannah, Georgia: I love me a good southern drawl. I want to release sea turtle from their eggs into the ocean like Miley Cyrus did in her last movie. I want to go to Paula Deen’s for brunch and eat some deep-fried butter with butter on top. I want to see some Civil War shit. I want to get bitten by a mosquito sippin’ my sweet tea on a front porch rocking chair and then have to sleep with one of those nets around the bed.

Portland, Oregon: For our honeymoon we’re going to do Napa/Sonoma and Pacific Northwest wine country with the second stop being in PDX. I want to start my day off with a maple donut covered in bacon from Voodoo Donuts. Hit up Nike for a new pair of Air Max 95s. Stack some cheddar at the Tilamook Cheese factory because there aren’t many things better than cheese. Well, beer is better than cheese and then drink a pint of Oregasmic Ale from Rogue Brewery.

Seattle, Washington: I want to get a Venti Iced Soy Chai from the original Starbucks. I want to climb the rock wall at the world’s largest REI because that is as outdoorsy as I get. I want to throw and catch a fish from Pike’s Place Market and then have someone turn it into bomb spicy tuna like they did on “The Real World.” I want to get a Shawn Kemp jersey signed by “The Rainman’s” 8 kids and 6 baby’s Mamas. I want to wear a flannel and not shower for the three days I’m there.

Sydney, Australia: I’m not big on leaving the country but I would make an exception for here and one other place. I want to go to an All Blacks match. I want to board the S.S. Steve Irwin and help save a whale. I want to go to the Syndey Opera House that looks like a bunch of clams. I want to eat a Vegemite sandwich with the Aborigines. I want to be weirded out by watching the water flush in the opposite direction. And I want to go for a kangaroo ride if you can even do that.

Rome, Italy: I’m not big on tourist attractions, so I would do the staples like the doing the Leaning Tower of Pisa picture, The Coliseum, and maybe say what’s up to the Pope at The Vatican but when I go on vacation I want to relax. So, when I’m in Italy I want to do nothing but eat thin-crust Parmigiano Reggiano and Prosciutto pizza and have purple gums from drinking so much Pinot Noir. This will be done on a few wine tours and tasting and not much else.