Posts Tagged ‘God’

Most Mondays I like to start off with a “My Life Monday” but with nothing Earth-shattering or ground breaking happening in my life over the weekend, I thought I would give a review of last night’s Grammys. After all the dust has settled and the rumors of the after-parties are swirling, some people may actually forget there was an actually an award show last night.

So, I feel it is my patriotic duty to provide a quick recap for all those who forgot what happened or went to bed early. This blog will focus less on the writing format and will be in more of a play-by-play format, so that you can read the blog in a few minutes.

What a better way to open up the show with a real soulful woman, Aretha Franklin. Jennifer Hudson looks great! I guess Weight Watchers really does work and I’m just glad Christina Augilera got the words right even though she took a little spill still. I bet she could make me some bomb chicken and waffles too. Ricky Martin wore silver pants, typical.

Lady Gaga disgusts me! I’m sorry I just cannot stomach her. Only she would perform a song called “I was born this way” while wears horns implanted into her shoulders and forehead. Yeah, that’s not hypocritical. Her backup dancers looked like a bunch of WWF Golddusts.

Miranda Lambert is good, she just not my cup of tea. I can’t believe Lenny Kravitz cut the dreads! Muse scares me. B.o.B. is the homie and a lot more than just a rapper. Did anyone else notice that Bruno Mars and the Janelle Monet have the same hair-do? They probably get their coke from the same dude too. The Mo-town flare on “Grenade” was unique and good because I was getting sick of hearing that song in its original version. Janelle Monet was cute I guess but I prefer me some Willow Smith though. I love me some Mo-town.

Guess who? Jaden Smith with leopard skinny jeans, he is friggin adorable! I want to rent him as my future son. Justin Bieber is talented I don’t care what people say about how manufactured he is. Will, Jada, and Willow clapping almost brought a tear to my eye watching their son/brother during his first performance. Usher is so wack with his same dance moves from when he did my way.

Muse is cool I guess they’re the only rock band who I actually knew had an album out this year. Selena Gomez is cute, I just hope she stays innocent and doesn’t get corrupted by the Lindsay Lohans of Hollywood. And presenting with Donnie Wahlberg probably isn’t the best start. Then handing off the Grammy to Lady Caca (as I like to call her) doesn’t help either, I just hope whatever it is that Lady Gaga has, isn’t contagious. It all makes sense now that she looks up to Whitney Houston even though her new stuff is ripped off Madonna.

The lead singer of Mumford and Sons looks exactly like Tim Tebow! I almost did a double-take but then remembered that Tim Tebow isn’t emo. The Grammys is a big step up for the Avett Brothers, their last Las Vegas performance was at the Silverton, literally. I didn’t even know Bob Dylan was still alive but apparently “he aint gonna work for Maggie’s Pa no more. So, I guess that shows how musically diversified I am.

Clay Matthews is a beast! Lady Antebellum is one of few country artists I know of and like, (probably because they are crossover artists) anyway, their performance was good and the really cleaned up on awards. Miley Cyrus’ “country roots” weren’t the only things that were showing with Kings of Leon. Jamie Foxx had a Grammy and Oscar!

Who knew? Cee-lo has the most annoying voice in music and he wore the most ridiculous outfit I have ever seen. He looks like the love child of Scott Steiner and a peacock with his muppet band. Gwyenth Paltrow was surprisingly good and she was even better in “Country Strong,” good thing she didn’t fall off the piano.

Katy Perry’s voice isn’t great but she is nice to look at so I give her performance a B+. You can tell she started off probably the singer for a rock band and whoever discovered her said “lose the guys with the ripped jeans and tattoos, we have back-up dancers with N* Sync choreography for that.” She had a Powerpoint presentation of her wedding behind her while performing, which was cool I thought. She should have done “Teenage Dream” with Keenan Cahill, that would have been really smart.

“Jolene” performed by Keith Urban, Johnny Depp’s stunt double, John Mayer, and Norah Jones for Dolly Parton was pretty good. It had some fancy guitar playing that I appreciated. Seth Rogen has broken the curve of going from fat to skinny while remaining funny, a task hard to overcome in Hollywood.

Rihanna has looked better but she is still my RiRi. Adam Levine from Maroon 5 on the keys was a nice touch to performance. Eminem went H.A.M. as usual and I’m glad he finally stopped wearing super baggy pants. I would love to see him in a nice suit (no homo). I hate to say it but Dre needs to stay behind the scenes from now on, instead of on stage. He looked like Pro Bowler and ESPN Analyst, Marcellus Wiley up there.

Jewel looked pretty and I never really like John Legend, I don’t know why. Who is Esperanza Spalding? JB or Drizzy Drake should have won best new artist, but that is just me. Mick Jagger is legendary but when it comes to drug-ridden, rock and roll lead singers with wide mouths, Steven Tyler has my vote. Mick’s tapping of his right foot was to a completely different beat of his left foot, it just didn’t do it for me. Barbara Streisand is well Bobra. That’s enough about her! Nicki Minaj just has balls and that’s why I like her and her hair helmet.

Detroit stand up! I’m happy Eminem won best rap album because he is a handsome man even though I’m partial to my boy HOVA, who sadly wasn’t in attendance. P. Diddy is officially the goofiest dude in hip hop, I feel uncomfortable for him, he tries way too hard and just needs to give it up.

Now, that’s the RiRi I like, no one does the knee wiggle dance better. If anyone knows where she got the African drummers from, let me know because I wanna book them for my wedding. J-Lo looks good as always even though Marc Anthony looks like her cracked out little brother.

I’m going to be honest, I had no idea who Arcade Fire was prior to Jason Siegel introducing them and I wish it would have stayed that way. I have never been so happy to have been blinded by flashing strobe lights during a musical performance. I just thank God that Matt Hoffman and the other BMX riders weren’t hurt. I don’t know how they won album of the year! Either it was rigged, or I have been living under a rock for the last year.

I am not the most cultured person when it comes to music but I would like to think that when something is new and interesting that I can give credit where credit is due. With all of the resources the academy had available to them, I thought the collaborative performances seriously lacked creativity. All in all,  I would give this year’s Grammys a C+.

As little kids we grow up playing house with our “Little Tikes” toysets. Whether it is little boys pretending to drive in the infamous “Fred Flintstone style” red and yellow car or little girls pretending to do the necessary prep work for their tea-party with their Easy Bake Oven, kids grow up wanting to well, grow up. Little Boys wants to be Astronauts and girls grow up wanting to be teachers and housewives when they finally reach that pinnacle of being the “grown-up” it can be somewhat of culture shock to those who haven’t had practice.

Luckily for Danielle and I, we have had the luxury of being able to “play house” before we say “I do.” With her family on the road a lot as of late we have had the chance to be able to not only house-sit, dog-sit, but also be able to practice the day-to-day duties that go into taking care of a home. When you still live at home with your parents or still live like you’re in college, you take the smallest luxuries for granted and when they are stripped from you, you miss them dearly.

Things as simple as having your laundry done, unloading the dishwasher, and taking the dogs out are things that you may not account for them when you check off your “to-do list” before you leave for the day. But these are all things that take a certain amount of time and need to be done. They don’t take as long time like scrubbing the stairs with a toothbrush do but when chores pile up you realize you need to take more time out of your day to complete these simple tasks.

With these responsibilities we have had a crash course in taking care of a home and it has been a great and humbling experience as we make similar preparations for ourselves. Your day starts off earlier than you would like with the blind dog barking so that he can be taken outside to do “his business.” We then would bring him back in for a treat-filled with Glaucoma medicine until he wants fresh water.

Once his duties are done, you can return to your amenities by putting in your contacts, brushing your teeth, washing your face, and showering. Then it is time to make the bed (a chore I despise and find unnecessary unless you’re expecting company), then it is time to rush downstairs to start the coffee so you’re not late to work. Eating breakfast, making lunch, and defrosting dinner are all tasks to be done simultaneously and necessary to have a successful day unless you want to eat Chipotle twice a day, everyday.

When your day is over it is not over, it is only starting. Taking the dogs out (washing and feeding them when necessary as well), getting the mail, taking the trash out, prepping dinner, and cooking dinner, are all small yet forgotten tasks that need to be done everyday before you can sit down and relax to actually eat the dinner you worked so hard on. Then when the short 20 minute snack break is up, it is time to clear the table, wash the dishes, and put the dishes away.

By the time you hit the couch in time to watch TV you realize you have already missed the local news and “American Idol” started 15 minutes ago. You find yourself completing miscellaneous task during commercials now because you were so busy in the morning that you forgot to DVR your programs, so that you could save time by fast forwarding through the commercials. You say you want to go to bed but then you force yourself to stay up for the late edition of “Sports Center” or “Fox 5 News at 10.”

Then as you begin the hike upstairs the thought of waking up in a few hours hits you and subconsciously make you more tired than you actually are. You now begin to walk without picking up your feet and shuffle your socks across the floor because you feel more tired than you really are. Now, it is to wash and repeat again so you can un-make your bed and begin a daily reading, then falling asleep in the middle of your prayers only wake up and do it all over again. It seems like an episode of “The Brady Bunch” only there is no Alice helping you along the way.

This would deter some young couples but luckily it only excites us even more as we look forward to being able to wash our own dishes and make our own bed. And with the wedding day inching closer and faster than ever, making our living quarters decision and deciding where we’ll be residing has hit the top of our “to-do list” right after grocery shopping.

Over the last month or so I have done extensive research on the housing market in Las Vegas. As much as we would like to take advantage of the low economic state and “first time home-buyer discounts” we realize it is smarter to start off our lives debt free (thank you Dave Ramsey) and rent for the first year or so till we have our student loans paid off and some extra “money in the bank, shawty what ya drank”?

O-K-K-K! We set a few rules before house hunting which I highly recommend, because if it were up to Danielle we would live in her casita for the rest of our lives. Set limits regarding price, area of town, freeway access, and proximity of work. With these and other guidelines set, we circumvented a radius on the West Side of town with homes/apartments for rent in the $900-$1,100 monhtly price range. It was about 22 minutes into my search that I realized that renting a home is just as cheap and in most cases cheaper than an apartment.

In some cases we actually found apartments being more expensive than a home in a similar area with 800 more square feet when you take into account security deposits, utilities, and other miscalleneous community uses. Long-story shortened, we shifted our search to strictly rental homes in our respective radius by retaining Real Estate Mogul, Michael deCesare, who is available for all of your real estate needs at http://www.irunlasvegasrealestate.com/.  The future Donald Trump (minus the power tie) took us on a tour, which eventually led to what seems like a perfect little house for us.

It is a 1,400 sq. ft. single family home with 3 bedrooms (dual master), hardwood floors, 2 car garage (with an extra work area big enough for the beer pong table), and a large backyard with covered patio. It is right in our area in “The Lakes,” within walking distance of Robertos, Fresh and Easy (so Danielle can keep me on track) and walking distance from Desert Breeze Park, so I can practice my new dunks on a whole new group of fools, all for the unbelievably low price range of $1,000 a month.

Right now, we are playing the waiting game to make sure everything is in order to make such a small step for man and giant leap for mankind. If for whatever reason it doesn’t work out we know it wasn’t meant to be and in God’s plans for us but we rest assured knowing that “she’ll be coming around the mountain, when she comes” and when she does we’ll be ready with the priceless practice that we’ve had playing house.

The 2011 NHL All-Star Weekend is upon us and it is and event that is very near and dear to my heart. Through my Uncle’s connection,s I attended many sporting events but my favorites were always the NHL All-Star Games. I went to four between 1998-2001 (during the peak of my hockey career) and I have to say that during their hay-day the NHL really knew how throw a party.

This year’s festivities kick off today at 5pm with the first ever All-Star Fantasy draft. I have alluded to different marketing strategies the NHL has undertaken in the past like the Winter Classic, different rules, and they have made their latest move with the selection of the All-Star Teams. Instead of leaving it up to the fans to select the teams and having the Yao Mings of the world start just because they are the fan favorite, when he has played 7 games in the last 4 years, the NHL has taken a completely new strategy.

With the growing popularity in fantasy sports, the NHL was smart enough to recognize an opporunity that is really exciting. They picked two Captains and are letting them pick their own teams “playground style,” much like a fantasy draft. This year’s captains are Nicklaus Lidstrom of the Detroit Red Wings and Eric Staal of the host, Carolina Hurricanes. Lidstrom is one of the best defenseman of all time and it was smart in choosing Staal for the hometown team bringing as many fans from Carolina as possible.

The NHL has dabbled with many broken strategies in the past varying from opposing conferences, World vs. North America, among others and I really am excited to see how this version of selection pans out. There is the possibility that teammates can actually play against each other, although they probably won’t, the fact that it could happen definitely adds some more tension to the fantasy draft. Not only that but they are given the free rein to trade players much like MTV Rock n’ Jock did back in the day with Las Vegas Local and Palms Hotel regular,  “The Big Hurt” Frank Thomas.

The actual All-Star Game isn’t until Sunday afternoon at 1pm but there are plenty of other exciting events throughout All-Star Weekend. The Superskills Challenge which, I feel is extremely underrated, is tomorrow at 4pm. This year’s events are Fastest Skater, Breakaway Challenge, Accuracy Shooting, Skills Challenge Relay, Hardest Shot, and Elimination Shoot Out.

I miss the days of Mark Messier when he’d nail ever corner of styrofoam in Accuracy Shooting, when Sergei Fedorov would break his own records at Fastest Skater year after year, and when Al MacInnis would shoot the puck 250 mph in Hardest shot but hopefully this year’s contestants can live up to their predecessors.

However, it may be hard for them to accomplish the tasks at hand with two of the league’s biggest names and linemates, Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin, not participating in All-Star Weekend festivities. Malkin is suffering from a sinus infection (which can be one of the most painful things in the world, if you’ve never had one) and Sid “The Kid” is still out of commission resting his domepiece from the concussion he incurred a few weeks ago.

With two of the league’s biggest stars not in attendance, the NHL had to find someone with some star power to make up for the deficiency, and who better than Clay Aiken? Yes, Raleigh native and American Idol runner-up will be honoring our country by singing the National Anthem on Sunday before they drop the puck. I understand he is from Raleigh, but I don’t think too many Carolina hockey fans are rushing to buy the their tickets because a broadway star will be singing the “Star Spangled Banner.”

I usually agree with a lot of the NHL’s decisions to spice up the game a little by adding new and exciting elements but Clay Aiken doesn’t exactly speak to me or the rest of the causal hockey fans in America. I would have preferred it if they would have brought in North Carolina superstar, Petey Pablo, to come in and perform during the 1st and 2nd intermissions. If a fight breaks out, it would only be fitting if they played this song, in hopes that one of the fighters can take the other dude’s shirt off while he upper cuts him.

Aside from Clay Aiken’s performance, I am genuinely excited for this weekend’s festivities for the first time in a few years. It is just sucks that they will be aired on”Versus.” It is sad that the one of NHL’s crown jewels has succumbed to being aired on a cable network that most people probably couldn’t tell you what channel number it was if they had to. Thanks God there is such thing as DVR though as I will busy during the game Sunday testing out our caterers food 🙂

*P.S. Thank you everyone for the feedback yesterday. Today’s blog is representative of all of your suggestions being: more pictures, less videos, length, and sports-related. If this type of blogagge peaks your interest, I always appreciate the feedback even if you are not crazy about hockey. Thanks!

It is that time of year again where bro-has and snow-hos come together to rejoice in their Spy sunglasses, and Energy drink hats with the bill bent upwards. Winter X Games Fifteen starts today and runs through the 30th in “I’ll tell you where. Someplace warm. A place where the beer flows like wine. Where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. I’m talking about a little place called Aspen.”

Is it just me or have the X Games lost their sizzle? In the late 90s and early 00s the X Games, both Winter and Summer, were atop of the world and now it feels like they become more of a gimmick with every competition. Maybe it is just me but it seems like there also is less of a buzz for Winter X than there has been in the past.

I used to be an avid snowboarder and now have no real motivation to hit the slopes, unless I am hooked up with a sweet cabin deal and a carpool up to Brianhead. There was a point where I was going every weekend and now I haven’t gone in 2 seasons and I would suck a lot worse than I already did if I were to get back on the bike again. Basically, I miss when the X Games were cool.

To me, Winter X has spread itself to thin. I remember when snowboarding was the newest thing to hit the winter sports world and now it seems like it is old school. X Games has turned into an episode of “Jackass,” where goofy white kids decide to race and jump anything with a motor. That goes for snowmobiles, Subaru cars, and now motorcycles. You and I both know that no one cares to see people riding their dirt bikes in snow anymore than we did on dirt.

It is the same kids going “brap brap” and riding under the influence of Monster as it is in the Summer, just now in the snow. They are not different sports and should be eliminated from the Winter X competition. If I had it my way, Winter X Games would be taken back to its roots, snowboarding and skiing aka “bread and butter.”

I want to see kids that look like skinnier versions of Troy Polamalu going as high and fast as possible on 1 or 2 pieces of graphite strapped to their feet. That means, downhill for speed, slalom, super-pipe, and maybe a big air or something. Everything else is spam that Sal Masekaela has to try to learn about just before he goes on air. Not only is it new to him but new to the whole extreme sports world, and frankly new to the poor soul who is about to jump the Rocky Mountains on a hemi-powered pogo stick.

The Winter X Games ambassador, Shaun White, is all they have left. On the women’s side there is this Gretchen Bleiler character who you may recognize from her ESPN 3D commercial. Other than that, every other name on the set list is French to me and probably the rest of the world because a majority of them are actually French.

I like to write about things that are time relevant and with the competition starting this evening, I felt it was appropriate as a total of 13 of the my readers might be interested, not including myself but o be honest, I am even getting a little frustrated writing about this. I would much rather be talking about other cold weather sports like the Olympics or hockey, so stay tuned for tomorrow’s blog, “The 2011 NHL All-Star Game.” So, I would be not mad if you stopped reading this blog because  I probably would have a long time ago. But please continue for my sake as I am trying to improve my blogging format and material with your input.

I also have been running analyses on the different ways to market my blog as of late. Most of my popular blogs are either about sports (not including this one) and “My Life,” which to be honest is what I prefer writing about as well. So, it makes sense that something I enjoy talking about comes across better to the readers. Obviously, I write for enjoyment but this is not a diary, I write for people to read it. So, I want to cater the blogs to what you want.

Most successful blogs are centered around a particular topic and I am trying to hone down on what that topic is.  I currently post Monday-Friday with 20% of the writing concerning “my life,” 40% of the writing concerning sports (via Top Tens or something else), and another 40% of which I talk about either TV, pop culture, music, or politics. With the latter being so diversified and less centered, I am considering dropping those type of topics and keeping them limited to Facebook statuses and Tweets, which I need to start embedding as well.

However, I would like to solicit the consultation of yous before I do anything drastic. Would you reader prefer more centered topics? Would you want them just as often or would 2/3 times a week be sufficient? I realize that less is more and writing a blog about the friggin X Games that most people don’t care about just to fill a category doesn’t really do much for anyone. I think the length of the blogs is good but if you would like more or less, please let me know also.

I also realize a lot of you subscribe via your cellular devices, in which you don’t always watch the embedded videos (that I think are hilarious and enhance the humor of the blog), so would you prefer less videos and more pictures or less of both? Or are you one of the few who get a kick out of the videos ( like me, which I highly doubt) and would prefer that I change nothing?

I enjoy all the feedback yous have been sending me lately about format, writing style, and frequency and am genuinely seeking more help. I want this ish to be good but can only guess what works so I would really appreciate any and all feedback you could throw my way. If you’re a creeper like me and don’t want to post a comment you can send me a message on The Facebook or email it to mackinjon@yahoo.com. Thank you and God Bless America!

In the wake of all the hype stemming from the release of the acts for Coachella 2011, I decided to do a little research. First, I had never even heard of Coachella before and found out that it was a music festival near Palm Springs, CA similar to a modern version of Woodstock where hipsters come together and camp out for 3 days while doing shrooms and trippin out to 162 (if I counted correctly) different acts.

Of the hundred plus different acts I recognized Kanye, Wiz, Lauryn Hill, The Black Keys, and like 4 DJs. I understand that their lineup stretches across a multitude of genres of music, bringing thousands of people with different tastes of music and different types of marijuana from afar to a single patch of grass. However, this obviously isn’t necessarily my cup of tea.

Therefore, I have devised a set list for the miniscule percentage of the population like me who only get their music from listening to www.hotnewhiphop.com and “Tiger Beat Magazine.” Mackinchella 2011 will feature the latest in “hip-pop” music ranging from Drake to 5ive. Aside from the presumably obvious headliners from this genre that will be in attendance, I would like to focus on the openers and more forgotten acts of the last 10 years. I have gone into great detail so that you don’t have to familiarize yourself again with the music of our recent past and childhood.

Nick Lachey

I feel that SAE, Nick Lachey, is completely underrated as an artist and a husband. He was the driving force behind 98 Degrees and had a decent solo career while riding the coattails of Jessica Simpson. This song is obviously about the infamous breakup over Buffalo Wings but is a great song nonetheless. Swear to God, I would listen to this song on repeat for hours on end while sleeping on stand, lifeguarding at Caesars Palace.”Falling faster, barely breathing, give me something to believe in.” I mean they just don’t make music like this anymore.

BB Mak

“Back Here” is very similar to “What’s left of me” melodically and that is why I like it. Actually, I’m lying, I don’t even really know what melody means, but it reminds of this song a little a bit. I remember sitting around brainstorming songs for serenades in 2006 and when this little gem hit me, it had the panties flying from Lied Library to the old SU. I don’t know if it was our fake British accents our Pete’s sweet and innocent guitar skills but this song just leaves you feeling all tingly inside.

Backstreet Boys

Danielle isn’t exactly ecstatic that this is my favorite BSB song of all time but at the same time she can’t help but singing along with me. “Black and Blue” was their best album to date that is if their collaboration with NKOTB doesn’t knock them off. It had the nice flamenco guitar, plenty of bass to make your trunk rattle rolling down MLK Jr Blvd, and even enough snare for Eminem’s headphones.

Fabolous

This rap joint has a nice summatime/bubble gum pop feel to it, right? Fabo is one of my all time favorite rappers. Some of the bars he comes up with is absolutely unheard of. This song almost made me propose by saying to Danielle “But since you been ‘aksin’ bout da friends, how’d you like it if bof ah names had Mackin on da end”? Almost, but I felt like I didn’t wanna feel like a wigger when I was old telling people how I proposed.

Spin Doctors

This is just one of those where if it catches you in a good mood on shuffle you will pretend to know the lyrics by scating along but in reality you are off. Then the only lyrics you do know are “And if you wanna call me baby, just go ahead now baby.” That’s it. You can pretend to know the rest by mumbling or looking away when you bob your head (that’s what I do) but everyone will know you don’t know them because they don’t know them either.

En Vogue

En Vogue was Destiny’s Child when Kelly Rowland was still in playing “Skip It” and Beyonce was taping up Jonathan Taylor Thomas posters to the back of her door. I feel like this song is what Cougar and Jaguar divorcees worldwide, play when they have “tupperware parties” once they’re all red wine drunk and feeling slippery. They had some pipes on them and could really belt out some high and powerful notes across the whole Mackinchella Valley.

Brandy and Monica

I feel like “The Boy is Mine” was the theme song for most girls in middle school to act like they were cooler than they were. They would act a little more ghetto than they were and pretend to have serious relationships with guys they hugged for the first time walking into 4th period and break up with them before 2:11pm. They then would run home and call their boyfriends on their personal land lines and try to “punt” the other girls off of AIM.

Cher

If this song never came out back in the day, and came out tomorrow it would still be hot. People think T-Pain was the Godfather of Auto-tune when in reality it is Cher, that Jay-Z should be writing songs about. Especially with all of the house and techno beats infused into hip-pop music today, you could hear this song on the radio and think it was Ke$ha.

O-Town

Goosebumps right? Yeah, Ashley Parker Angel does that to me too. This song is for the long awaitied return of the 2nd best form of man-made and manufactured music from Orlando www.okmagazine.com/2011/01/o-town-boys-are-reuniting-making-new-music/. They weren’t the best boy bad ever but let’s be honest they had some stiff competition and at least this song was a lot better than “Liquid Dreams” lol.

I hope this little snippet gives you an idea of the type of music you can listen to in a fun and completely drug-free environment. The event will be hosted by Snooki from “The Jersey Shore” and Rex Ryan from the New York Jets (now that he has plenty of spare time) and Sean Hannity. While the acts’ groupies are switching out the instruments (not that any of these acts play instruments, but their bands do) one TV screens we will be showing episodes of “Boy Meets World” in 3D, “PTI,” and “Diners, Drive-Ins, and Drives.”

Tickets go on sale 1/31/11 and can be purchased from any Foot Locker location or online at www.jonmackin.wordpress.com. Be sure to get your tickets fast because hotel rooms will fill up quick. Thank you.

No, not him… This guy!

This Ted Williams is the viral hit that has captivated many Americans in 2011. First and foremost I’m pretty sure I will be the first person on Earth to claim this but I am going as him for Halloween for this year. Dibs! I wish there was a way I could sell this idea to the Halloween costume companies just like my Keenan Cahill idea but whatever…

Ted Williams was recently discovered in Columbus, Ohio where he was a regular on the medians and freeway turnoffs. He would trade his service of saying whatever it is the idle drivers wanted in exchange for some change. A local news reporter caught wind of this story and Ted’s “golden voice” and did a story on him for their local news. The special interest piece aired and the rest is history.

Ted became homeless after college where he studied communications with aspirations of becoming a radio personality. Like many homeless people his problems started with adultery, drugs, and alcohol and once the vices take over the mind and body everything starts going down hill. Up until recently, Ted has been on the streets between from his hometown of Brooklyn to the Midwest for the last ten years of which the last two years he claims to have been sotally tober, I mean totally sober.

The last few weeks have been a complete whirlwind for Ted after the story hit the internet. He was raised by his Mother and feels that it is his love for her and God that he will never go back to his previous ways. He gives all credit to God and that everything is a complete blessing to him because he feels that he has finally begun to rely on Him for strength and that this is the reason he has had so many opportunities.

“The Today Show” has now brought all of these new opportunities to the surface for the Obama look-a-like. He has received offers from the Cleveland Cavaliers to be their announcer, from NFL Films to do their voiceovers, and from Kraft to be the official spokesperson for Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. Although I’m not sure even LeBron’s old crib will be big enough to house the empire Ted is bound to have with Quicken Loans and the multitude of other offers.

Not only has he gotten a new wardrobe that wasn’t from the Salvation Army but he has also been offered free dental work to fix the twenty years of decay and infections that have gone without treatment. Ted was worried that possible medications could be the gateway for him to fall back into more serious drugs and alcohol but he was reassured by the Dentist that there are alternatives methods of helping with his recovery process.

With all of this attention on him and everyone wanting to mooch off of his newfound celebrity he has found time to visit his mother. He recognizes that his current situation has the ability to take a hold of him and his family and he worries that temptation could come back to haunt him.

He also was introduced back with his ex-wife and family and as one can assume he hasn’t always been the best father and husband. Dr. Phil tries to do a mini-intervention with him to make sure that he doesn’t let his fame get the best of his and that he should use this opportunity to not only make up for past mistakes with family but also to be able to give back to the community to keep him grounded and limiting the opportunity for him to get sucked back in.

It seems as though he already had relapse back to alcohol. It may have been just a lapse of better judgement or he took a moment to loosen up and celebrate but it is reported by many media outlets that he got in a heated argument in a Renaissance Hotel in Hollywood with his daughter. The police were called and they were brought in for questioning although no charges were pressed by either party. No one really knows what happened behind closed doors and we probably never will, we can only hope that it was an argument that was the result of bottled-up emotions instead of the emotions of emptied bottles.

It is obvious that someone in his state needs to stay away from alcohol and drugs and I don’t want to sound like I am buying into all of his stories but I am more compelled to believe him over the daughter. Where the daughter has twenty years of hatred built up against her father and now she has the opportunity to gain financially and mentally by bringing him down because of how much he hurt her.

Like I said, no on really knows that happens but we can only hope and pray for them that they don’t let their family fall apart, it doesn’t matter whose fault it was. If I was Dr. Phil, I’d throw all of them in family therapy because there are obviously a lot of issues that need to be addressed on both parts and with the spotlight turned on high it won’t take much for the 15 minutes of fame to melt away and for him to be back on the streets and for his family to be Father-less again.

With the few weeks left leading up to the “Big Game” (I have to say ‘Big Game’ because I am legally restricted from using the NFL trademarked name ‘Super Bowl,’ or at least that’s what all the commercials do) I would like to highlight the reason teams get to the Super Bowl (fuck it, no one reads this anyway) and go on to win the Super Bowl. That reason usually starts at the top with the Head Coach and filters its way down to a consistent defense and having a good running game.

With the NFL being a relatively new league around for only a few decades, the best coaches are held in a class of their own. They took America’s favorite sport in their particular region and made Ming Dynasties out of close to nothing. As always, my leaning toward modern era and bias towards and against some coaches will be in effect and all the more reason for you to debate their substantiality with me. Lights please… I give you the Top Ten NFL Coaches of All Time.

1o. Joe Gibbs: is synonymous with winning throughout the 80s and early 90s. He was an offensive minded coach who could come up with schemes that would make the best defenses go crazy. The dude won 3 rings for the Redskins and they have never been the same since he left the game for NASCAR. This alone almost got him kicked off the list. Even though his racing team is top-notch as well, it is still a bunch of hicks driving with their left blinker on for hours upon hours.

9. Tom Landry: Old school! It still gives me the willies putting him on the list seeing as though he is a Cowboys guy and he probably should be higher on the list but #9 is as high as I’m gonna go for a Cowboy. He’s got two rings and was a defensive mastermind. He had a lot of big dudes that were great at stopping the run. He could shove 11 guys in the box and still get away with it because he knew what his teams were capable of and what they weren’t. He knew they weren’t fast but were big and recognizing your abilities is one of the signs of a great coach. Not to mention he looked cool in a fedora.

8. John Madden: Probably had the best post-coaching career of anyone on the list through commentating and Electronic Arts. And kids who play his video games may not even know that he was one of the best coaches of all time. He somehow won a shitload of games for the worst franchise in history of sports and that stands for a lot more than Sean Payton getting lucky and winning one with a lot of under achieving players. However, Madden is not recognized enough for his consulting work done with the Giants, the Little Giants…

7. Bill Bellichick: I feel #7 is a good place for “The Hoodie” right now. When it is all said and done I feel he will easily crack the Top Five but for now I think his quiet ass is probably content with his position. He is soft-spoken but knows how to assemble talent better than anyone else. His coordinators all end up Head Coaches, not necessarily good ones, but Head Coaches nonetheless. This season was cut short but as long as Uggs are still keeping Tom Brady’s toes warm and safe, he has many a rings to fill up the rest of his phalanges.

6. Mike Ditka: Intangibles. He wasn’t the winningest coach of all time but he is one of the few coaches that would kick Mark Clayton’s ass if he had the chance. I can’t stand da Bears but to them, Ditka is as big if not bigger than Jordan in the Windy City. He’s the only guy on the face of the Earth that can make wearing a sweater vest tough and look cool, it was almost as though it was bulletproof.

5. Bill Parcells: “The Big Tuna” was actually given the nickname for his body shape and not his coaching abilities. Whether it is relevant or not is neither here nor there but he could scare the fins out of a player, literally (See he was the GM for the Dolphins and got rid of a lot of players). He knew exactly what to say to a player to get him to do what he wanted. He coached the shit out of my boy, LT, and I bet if he was still coaching him he wouldn’t be picking up 16 year old hookers and smoking crack.

4. Bill Walsh: He just looks like a nice Grandpa. Granted a lot of his success is due to Joe Montana and Ronnie Lott but he not only was a great coach, but he re-invented offense. He is the Founding Father of the West Coast Offense! How many of you have birthed a game-altering idea that wasn’t shot down on The Disney Channel’s “Z Games”? He was a successful player and coach and will forever be a legend in the Bay Area, even if some of their teams actually start winning.

3. Chuck Knoll: No, not Chuck Norris. Chuckie, I feel is, extremely underrated outside the city of black and yellow black and yellow black and yellow black and yellow. He made the Steelers franchise into what I believe is the best franchise in football. “The Steel Curtain” is still imitated but never replicated and all of that credit is due to Chuck Knoll. He preached defense and demanded respect and that is what he got in return, defense and respect. It was almost as though even his offensive players had defensive mindsets.

2. Don Shula: The only coach ever to go perfect throughout the entire season and he has a great chain of steakhouses to prove it. He shares the face of the Phins franchise with Dan Marino and if it weren’t for Shula, Dan Marino would have been just another extra in “Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.” He exudes what a winner looks like and is full of class. His record of 347 wins doesn’t even begin to compare what he has done for the game and if it weren’t for him South Florida would be just another vacation wi-fi hot-spot, instead of the best football breeding grounds in the world.

1. Vince Lombardi: Jerry West is the logo and Vince Lombardi is the Trophy. Not only is he the namesake for the most coveted trophy in all of team sports but he is without a doubt the greatest NFL Coach of All Time. In a growing era for football in America, Vince Lombardi was the Head Coach, the GM, both coordinators, Groundskeeper, and team Doctor. If anything happened in the city of Green Bay he knew about it. He was known for his stern scowl, chain smoking, and his faith in God as he attended church every single morning before heading to the office (frozen tundra). He will forever be known as one of the best things that has ever happened to football and we all have him to thank for it.

That’s right “American Idol” is back and celebrating its 10th season in commission. The show that has people of all shapes and sizes glued to the TV January-May is back on Wednesdays and Thursdays at 8pm on the channel where news is fair and balanced, FOX. I had to throw a little plug in there (even though they are just as biased as the liberal networks).

Anywho, Seacreast and your dog and mine, Randy Jackson, are back but with some new plastic surgery ridden faces. My dude, Ellen, had a short and sweet stint on Idol and is over so she can concentrate on shopping for cardigan sweaters and khaki pants. Our favorite villain, Simon Cowell has decided to retire from his tough job of telling people they were “dreadful” so he can continue to perooze and galavant around Britain and Lake Las Vegas (just as long he wasn’t foreclosed on like the rest of the community) with his adult film star lady friends.

Kara DioGuardi also will not return to the Kodak Theatre this season as she will further her pursuits of writing music and coug-ing around. And thank God Paula Abdul was not asked to return after a season off. While some people found her pleasant, Idol found her salary wasn’t so high it was the clause in her contract requesting that her insurance plan require extensive prescriptions for medicines. Plus she has smaller fish to fry on her new show “Live to Dance,” that we will get to later.

With these star-studded celebrity judges pursuing other endeavors, how will the reality show be able to compensate with a level of credibility as well as star power? Idol thinks they have assembled a team headed up by Aerosmith front man, Steven Tyler. They feel that the spider monkey look-a-like will be able to judge with a sense of experience, while also being able to fill Simon’s shoes with wit and brashness.

If his credibility isn’t enough, Idol really brings the heat with by bringing on a former “In Living Color” back-up dancer? That’s right Jenny from the block, who is more famous for her hind parts than her vocal chords, will be judging the contestants on their ability to sing. We can only hope for some fireworks from her as I’m sure she is bound to get her fair share of criticism of whether or not her opinions should hold water. However, I think we all liked this song…

With these high-powered personalities invading our evenings, this season of Idol has the makings for plenty of awkward drama and drama = laughter for me at least. I could really care less if they find the next singing sensation, as I am more concerned with the next viral hits like “Pants on the Ground,” William Hung, and these other characters.

With Paula Abdul not there to make people feel better about sucking at singing she had gone back to her roots of telling people they suck at dancing where she actually has some credibility in the field. Her new show “Live to Dance” has kicked off its first season Wednesday nights on CBS at 8pm. The season is already well into its 2nd round of semi-finals ( I know I was shocked too).

From the one episode that I have seen, it seems as though LTD is a combination of “American’s Got Talent,” “Americas Best Dance Crew,” “So You Think You Can Dance,” and “General Hospital.” Paula Abdul and two other nameless judges scour the country searching for the next big thing in dance. Whether it is a solo, pair, or full crew, the contestants are judged on their uniqueness and level of difficulty.

I don’t really know what the reactions or ratings of this show look like nor do I care really. I think the show sucks as it isn’t half as good as its derived shows. And not even being half as good as “America’s Got Talent” means it must really suck to me. The show is kind of like a roller coaster for someone who thinks they have motion sickness issues. You don’t think you’ll like it but you have to give it a whirl just to validate your preconceptions of getting sick.

So, watch the show once or better yet DVR it so you can fast forward through the shows and catch the commercials and take your ratings elsewhere to “American Idol” where the first round auditions are bound to produce a few laughs and maybe hook you for the remainder of the season like Carrie Underwood hooked me. Ladies, insert tears here…

Mackin out.

It’s baaaaaaaack! After a short Christmas vacation I am back and in full effect for 2011. I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas, a Happy New Year, and got lots of new reading glasses for Christmas because I have a lot of material ready, locked, loaded in my cocking gun, and it is ready to be grouted.

The first blog of 2011 just so happens to be on a snow-covered Monday morning which means (all together now) M-Y! L-I-F-E! M-O-N-D-A-Y! Yaaaaaaay! I didn’t think I would ever resort to a Peewee’s Playhouse delivery, but I couldn’t help myself.

With the new year comes resolutions. We all have them, we all start them the first week of January, and we all give up around Valentine’s Day. I think one of the main reasons we as society don’t always follow through with our resolutions is because we don’t have anyone holding us accountable for our resolutions. If no one knows what you aren’t doing, then there is no one to keep you in check. And it is my hope that by laying my goals out there for all to see, that I too will be less likely to cheat when I know others are creeping via cyberspace.

Thanks to Algebra II Honors, I have been able to develop a successful formula that follows ” y = mx + b” form. I have comprised an algorithm of resolute expressions that would keep my mind, body, and soul in tact for 2011.  Some people only keep one or two of the three in balance and thus there resolutions fall through before Spring Break starts. So, without further a due I give you my New Year’s resolutions for 2011.

Over the last year or so I have become fairly religious and have grown my faith and relationship with God like my boy Justin Bieber. I have made a conscious effort to read my first book ever, “The Holy Bible,” but wasn’t always consistent with my education. So for 2011, it is my first goal of reading my dailies well daily. And with so much going on in 2011 and so many life altering events en que I would hope and pray not stray away I say. “Or I can make things out of clay and lay by the bay, I just may…What do you say”?

Hopefully by keeping my mind and soul balanced I’ll be able to work on the body aspect. I have set many physical goals for 2011 some of which are more fun and some are for strictly aesthetic purposes. The first of which begins today with training for my second half-marathon. I thoroughly enjoyed my first go and would like to continue on that path (again, puns are always intended).

The first college try I just wanted to finish without stopping, walking, or peeing which I successfully accomplished at the average time of 2:19ish. My next challenge is to complete 13.2 miles in under two hours. That would require keeping a pace of about 9 minutes per mile. And with my favorite Christmas gift, the new iPod Nano, watch accessory, and some hot new beats I plan on completing this task by 3/5 or 3/12 in the either the Red Rock Half-Marathon and Six Tunnels Half-Marathon in Boulder City.

After that, I’m going to be fat for a week eating tons of Lucille’s BBQ Pulled Pork and all you can eat sushi before starting P90X. My goals with P90X aren’t really concerned with the completion because I am pretty strong-willed but I am more worried about feeling uncomfortable with the Tae-Bo and Yoga. I am not flexible at all and cannot even sit Indian style (or Native American style for you politically correct readers) so this presents quite a challenge.

Then comes the wedding and honeymoon upon which I will gorge myself with plenty of the beer, wine, and all the thin-crust pizza I can get my hands on for the month of June. Upon my return I will ease myself back into physical activity with Summer softball as the starting second baseman for the “Nine Inch Males” where it is my goal to hit for the cycle. A simple goal which may be more strategic than competitive and realistic, but I’ll give it a whirl.

As of August 1, I will embark on the big boy training for the Rock n Roll Las Vegas Marathon. I’ll reload with some new fresh gear which will hopefully give me the motivation to run for a stupid amount of time on 12/4/11. After completing the “half” I had no desire to ever double it but I feel like I am half way there and might as well do it while I am young so I don’t look like this guy when I’m older.

I would also be able to work on some new activities and hobbies this year that aren’t crocheting and building ships in bottles. I’m not sure that this is a resolution with a set goal or not but I would like to become a more well-rounded cook. I would like to think that I am pretty good cook from watching so much Food Network and I love grilling, so I would like to expand be grilling abilities this year beyond salt, pepper, and heat to marinades, experimenting with different wood chips/charcoals, and more rare cuts of meat with help from my new and second favorite Christmas gift…

Grilling is not just a fun hobby but it is a healthy alternative to eating Gummi Colas and drinking real colas. I have always been a fat kid at heart and love my snacks but it is my goal for 2011 to implement a “quality over quantity” plan. I hope to minimize bad carbs because “carbs are the enemy” and maximizing lean proteins. That coupled with having two new vegetables a month should give me the “Marky Mark 10-pack” I am hoping to obtain by next Thursday or so.

Another recent and obvious hobby of mine is blogging. I enjoy writing and would like further this newfound pursuit. I would like to provide better material in a more professional format in hopes of one day taking my talents to South Beach to make some real writing scrilla. Whether that means stepping up my freelance game through more advertising, whoring my bodies of writing out to other prospective customers, or furthering my education in this field of study.

However, I don’t write just to write for myself, I really enjoy criticism both constructive and assholic. So, please keep the comments, likes, messages, and overall feedback a-comin’. Thank you to the thousands of football bloggers who are unwillingly sent to my uniform blogs and especially everyone who reads consistently I wholeheartedly appreciate it, and if you help the spread te good word, I’ll give you a shout-out 1999 “Total Request Live” style.

Well, I did it. 3 months of half-assed training, my first half-marathon is finally over. I completed my first halfsy in 2 hours 20 minutes and 11 seconds. My original goal was to complete it without stopping or walking which was a lot easier than I thought. Then as training increased I set the goal of 2:30. I wasn’t playing to win the game like Herm Edwards but if I would have taken my training more seriously I definitely could have improved my time.

This was obviously my first so, I don’t know how many other marathons are but I would find it hard to believe that there are many that are more fun the Rock n’ Roll Las Vegas Marathon. Plus, a lot of the fellow and veteran runners said Las Vegas has the best. There was over 32,000 people running in it, it had a Health and Fitness Expo, there must have been 10 bands along the route, and it was extremely well-organized considering the room for error.

Going into the halfsy, I wanted it to be the stepping stone to the LA Marathon in March. But after having completed the halfsy, I have no motivation to complete a full whatsoever. I don’t if it is because I feel like Forrest Gump as a child with braces on his legs right now but running a full marathon is off of my to-do-list for now. The actual training aspect of it is fun while you are running, but it just is annoying and gets boring when you just have to run for hours at a time. And training for the full would require running for about 5 hours if I do it correctly.

I am not completely ruling it out but it is no longer on the Current Assets side of my ledger. That being said I am not going to give up being active and eat Snickers all day as good as that sounds. For the remaining month of December I want to return to my roots of basketball. Nothing is better than playing on the hallowed ground in December and I would like to extend a formal invitation to all my ballers and shot-callers to join me.

I have devised a tentative schedule for the remainder of the month to meet all demographics of Las Vegas. Here are some of the dates: 12/8, 12/11, 12/13, 12/15 , 12/18, 12/21, 12/23, 12/28, 12/30. I’m down to play in the evenings or on the weekends. At UNLV or outside in Summerlin. At the Multi-Gen or at Sunset. These are tentative dates and if no one wants to play you can find me playing by myself without a ball like Shep from “Above the Rim.”

After the first of the year, I will return to my training for another half-marathon. I really enjoyed this last one and if anyone else would like to join me as I run across the Southwest (of Las Vegas) I’m down to get down. There is the Red Rock Canyon Halfsy on 3/5  and there is the Hoover Dam Halfsy on 3/12 March too. Both are cheap and I heard they’re fun because of the scenery even though they both are pretty hilly, I’m down for either.

http://www.halfmarathons.net/usa_half_marathons_nevada_red_rock_canyon_marathon.html

http://www.halfmarathons.net/usa_half_marathons_nevada_six_tunnels_half_marathon.html

Towards the end of the halfsy, I will begin to hear the faint sound of wedding bells in the distance, which could only mean one thing… P90x time! Starting in the middle of March will give me just enough time to look like Gerard Butler in “300” for the big day. Pete already bought it, so when I sadly move out after a glorious 5 years, I will be sneaking out his DVD and dumbells in the moving boxes as my parting gift. He won’t know because he doesn’t read this anyway.

God knows that I’ll definitely be putting on some wine weight after the wedding and honeymoon, which may be just the motivation I need to train for the full marathon. Maybe by then I’ll have some newfound motivation to continue on through Las Vegas Blvd for the full 26.2 miles, instead of stopping at Mandalay Bay. And if not whatever I’ll half-ass another half.

If anyone would like to embark on these sporting adventures with me I would be happy to have some teammates. Whether we are working on our pick-n-rolls, running while rapping, or doing the upper body part of P90X, it is always nice to have a buddy to keep you motivated with a good man-smack on the butt. “Is that something you might be interested in”? If so, shoot me a comment, email, Facebook message, text, telegram, homing pigeon, message in a bottle, smoke signal, or just yell from below my patio.