Posts Tagged ‘Christina Augilera’

Most Mondays I like to start off with a “My Life Monday” but with nothing Earth-shattering or ground breaking happening in my life over the weekend, I thought I would give a review of last night’s Grammys. After all the dust has settled and the rumors of the after-parties are swirling, some people may actually forget there was an actually an award show last night.

So, I feel it is my patriotic duty to provide a quick recap for all those who forgot what happened or went to bed early. This blog will focus less on the writing format and will be in more of a play-by-play format, so that you can read the blog in a few minutes.

What a better way to open up the show with a real soulful woman, Aretha Franklin. Jennifer Hudson looks great! I guess Weight Watchers really does work and I’m just glad Christina Augilera got the words right even though she took a little spill still. I bet she could make me some bomb chicken and waffles too. Ricky Martin wore silver pants, typical.

Lady Gaga disgusts me! I’m sorry I just cannot stomach her. Only she would perform a song called “I was born this way” while wears horns implanted into her shoulders and forehead. Yeah, that’s not hypocritical. Her backup dancers looked like a bunch of WWF Golddusts.

Miranda Lambert is good, she just not my cup of tea. I can’t believe Lenny Kravitz cut the dreads! Muse scares me. B.o.B. is the homie and a lot more than just a rapper. Did anyone else notice that Bruno Mars and the Janelle Monet have the same hair-do? They probably get their coke from the same dude too. The Mo-town flare on “Grenade” was unique and good because I was getting sick of hearing that song in its original version. Janelle Monet was cute I guess but I prefer me some Willow Smith though. I love me some Mo-town.

Guess who? Jaden Smith with leopard skinny jeans, he is friggin adorable! I want to rent him as my future son. Justin Bieber is talented I don’t care what people say about how manufactured he is. Will, Jada, and Willow clapping almost brought a tear to my eye watching their son/brother during his first performance. Usher is so wack with his same dance moves from when he did my way.

Muse is cool I guess they’re the only rock band who I actually knew had an album out this year. Selena Gomez is cute, I just hope she stays innocent and doesn’t get corrupted by the Lindsay Lohans of Hollywood. And presenting with Donnie Wahlberg probably isn’t the best start. Then handing off the Grammy to Lady Caca (as I like to call her) doesn’t help either, I just hope whatever it is that Lady Gaga has, isn’t contagious. It all makes sense now that she looks up to Whitney Houston even though her new stuff is ripped off Madonna.

The lead singer of Mumford and Sons looks exactly like Tim Tebow! I almost did a double-take but then remembered that Tim Tebow isn’t emo. The Grammys is a big step up for the Avett Brothers, their last Las Vegas performance was at the Silverton, literally. I didn’t even know Bob Dylan was still alive but apparently “he aint gonna work for Maggie’s Pa no more. So, I guess that shows how musically diversified I am.

Clay Matthews is a beast! Lady Antebellum is one of few country artists I know of and like, (probably because they are crossover artists) anyway, their performance was good and the really cleaned up on awards. Miley Cyrus’ “country roots” weren’t the only things that were showing with Kings of Leon. Jamie Foxx had a Grammy and Oscar!

Who knew? Cee-lo has the most annoying voice in music and he wore the most ridiculous outfit I have ever seen. He looks like the love child of Scott Steiner and a peacock with his muppet band. Gwyenth Paltrow was surprisingly good and she was even better in “Country Strong,” good thing she didn’t fall off the piano.

Katy Perry’s voice isn’t great but she is nice to look at so I give her performance a B+. You can tell she started off probably the singer for a rock band and whoever discovered her said “lose the guys with the ripped jeans and tattoos, we have back-up dancers with N* Sync choreography for that.” She had a Powerpoint presentation of her wedding behind her while performing, which was cool I thought. She should have done “Teenage Dream” with Keenan Cahill, that would have been really smart.

“Jolene” performed by Keith Urban, Johnny Depp’s stunt double, John Mayer, and Norah Jones for Dolly Parton was pretty good. It had some fancy guitar playing that I appreciated. Seth Rogen has broken the curve of going from fat to skinny while remaining funny, a task hard to overcome in Hollywood.

Rihanna has looked better but she is still my RiRi. Adam Levine from Maroon 5 on the keys was a nice touch to performance. Eminem went H.A.M. as usual and I’m glad he finally stopped wearing super baggy pants. I would love to see him in a nice suit (no homo). I hate to say it but Dre needs to stay behind the scenes from now on, instead of on stage. He looked like Pro Bowler and ESPN Analyst, Marcellus Wiley up there.

Jewel looked pretty and I never really like John Legend, I don’t know why. Who is Esperanza Spalding? JB or Drizzy Drake should have won best new artist, but that is just me. Mick Jagger is legendary but when it comes to drug-ridden, rock and roll lead singers with wide mouths, Steven Tyler has my vote. Mick’s tapping of his right foot was to a completely different beat of his left foot, it just didn’t do it for me. Barbara Streisand is well Bobra. That’s enough about her! Nicki Minaj just has balls and that’s why I like her and her hair helmet.

Detroit stand up! I’m happy Eminem won best rap album because he is a handsome man even though I’m partial to my boy HOVA, who sadly wasn’t in attendance. P. Diddy is officially the goofiest dude in hip hop, I feel uncomfortable for him, he tries way too hard and just needs to give it up.

Now, that’s the RiRi I like, no one does the knee wiggle dance better. If anyone knows where she got the African drummers from, let me know because I wanna book them for my wedding. J-Lo looks good as always even though Marc Anthony looks like her cracked out little brother.

I’m going to be honest, I had no idea who Arcade Fire was prior to Jason Siegel introducing them and I wish it would have stayed that way. I have never been so happy to have been blinded by flashing strobe lights during a musical performance. I just thank God that Matt Hoffman and the other BMX riders weren’t hurt. I don’t know how they won album of the year! Either it was rigged, or I have been living under a rock for the last year.

I am not the most cultured person when it comes to music but I would like to think that when something is new and interesting that I can give credit where credit is due. With all of the resources the academy had available to them, I thought the collaborative performances seriously lacked creativity. All in all,  I would give this year’s Grammys a C+.

When I first dreamt up this task I knew it would be a tough one at hand. I am a fan of hip hop and boy band pop. I listen traditional rock music against my will in bars I normally don’t want to be in. However, I know that I am not the masses and most would not agree with taste in music. I seek to appease my readers and did a lot of research trying to find a route in which I can run with to compile an accurate set list of bands. I went back several eras finding bands I’ve heard of, heard their songs, but would not be able to connect the dots if you put me on “Jeopardy.”

The count is 0-2 and I have a pitch to waste so I’m going to throw junk. This once fastball up and in is now going to be a backdoor curve. Rather than highlighting bands I know little about for historical accuracy, I have decided to throw the Jack in the Box wrapper out the window and do what I like. And I had like the rap/rock fusion and semi-punk rock music of the 90s and early 2000s. With musical political correctness aside, I basically give you the top ten artists I guess I could listen to if I was on a road trip with someone I didn’t know in the car so I wouldn’t pitch a fit.

10. Limpbizkit: Fred Durst and the rest of the nookies are the inspiration for my obsession with collecting hats and for that reason alone they make the list. They had a few hits on TRL, stirred it up a little with Carson and Christina, and most importantly featured rap artists. My favorite song of them is “Rollin” because the video had cute girls wearing Yankee hats which sent my 7th grade raging hormones into overdrive.

9. Nirvana: Suicide is the most selfish thing someone could ever do to their friends and family so I am throwing them on the list for the other members of the band not the smelly guy who dated Courtney Love. I can’t understand a word they say in their songs but they were the pop culture pioneers of the grunge punk era or what from what I’ve been told. Which honestly is something I could give two shitzus about. I appreciate a good sense of humor and without them, Weird Al wouldn’t have been able to do this…

8. Oasis: From what I hear frontman, Liam Gallagher, was a real diva and could have really used a Snickers. They were British, so I guess that accounts for most of the arrogance. I don’t know if they were a one hit wonder to everyone else but I only know one of their songs and it is a “one hit wonderwall.” This one always comes on at the right time during my runs where I’m already in the zone (thanks to DJ Khaled) but I’m needing a mellow song to bring my heart rate back down. It also reminds me of Serenades 2008…

7. Hootie and the Blowfish: Darius Rucker may have vetured out to be the Jackie Robinson of country music but he will forever be Hootie in our hearts. I appreciate their sense of humor and their AFC fan affiliation, the Miami Dolphins. How funny would it be if you knew a guy who still dressed like their drummer? The fettucine hair and backwards hat he got at GAP, right? You’ve seen him at gas stations before and laughed to yourself

6. Bush: Lol. Sorry, I like Gavin Rossdale for some reason. Maybe it was because he looked like he showered at least once a week or maybe it was his guitar riffs. Either way for some reason I act like I love this song when it comes on the radio (because God knows I wouldnt waste money on iTunes downloading it) and I pretend to know all the lyrics as I bang my head and realize all I know is “breathe in – breathe out, breathe in – breathe out.”

5. Matchbox 20: When you think of Matchbox 20, you think of driving in the car to the grocery store with your Mom. They were that typical 90s Mom-rock that was a little too old for us to understand but we still sang along to the choruses. Elementary school wasn’t mature enough for us yet to have control over the radio stations yet so Mix 94.1 it was and we heard this song every hour and a half, on the hour and a half.

4. Beastie Boys: I actually love the Beastie Boys and feel they are a hip hop artist more than rock but I felt weird not putting them on the list. I always felt white people were almost a little racist towards them because they were Jews from New York who rapped, while they were just doing what they loved. I almost even waited in line over night senior year of high school for their MTV $2 Bill Concert series but decided to go play basketball at 24 instead. They have so many good songs so it is hard for me to choose but this one is probably my favorite.

3.  Red Hot Chili Peppers: My first remembrance of a Pepper is in “Point Break” when Johnny Utah is chasing Anthony Keidis’ character and he accidentally shoots himself in the foot. For someone who listens to rap you would think I would be able to make out his lyrics but he was even to quick for me sometimes. They are legends to me and really really good to people who know rock and roll music. Is it weird that I feel like a douche even saying the phrase “rock n roll” or even “rock” for that matter?

2. Blink 182: These were the awkward middle school years which made you choose your path for life. You were either going to be normal or wear JNCO jeans that covered your Soap shoes for the rest of your life. Hopefully you’re not wearing those while reading this and if you are, I apologize. Travis Barker is the best drummer ever and I used to have a huge crush on his ex-wife before she was his wife, Shanna Moakler, when I would watch her on “Pacific Blue” Saturday mornings.

Also, notice how few tattoos they all had at the time before the blew up.

1. Linkin Park: Once again it took a rapper to wide my musical horizons to music that was made with real drums instead of a drum machine and keyboard. I wasn’t one of those rebellious “Screw you Dad” kids but their music reached out to all those kids and I thank them for that. A lot of those kids would be in a bad place right now if they weren’t able to cope with their “issues” if it weren’t for Linkin Park. I used to listen to their mash-up album with Jay-Z , “Collision Course” (that I downloaded on Napster) on repeat in the stock room of Champs. This is one of my favorite songs of all time because of the creativity and because H.O.V.A. refers to me when he says “Not for nothin’ ever happen, I be forever Mackin.” I see you too Jigga, I see you bruh.