Posts Tagged ‘Chicago Bears’

On this My Life Monday, I feel it is only appropriate if I touch on the topic of my birthday. It’s not like it was the most eventful or ragerific birthday ever but I can honestly say it was the best birthday ever. And for that I feel like my birthday is obviously a part of “my life” and therefore allowable to speak upon. I don’t mean for it to come of as conceited at all,l I wll just simply report on the activities that took place and thank all parties involved.

My actually birthday is today but Monday birthdays suck especially in post “Monday Night Football season” so I decided to celebrate the preceding weekend. I kicked off the weekend not with happy hour but with an exhilarating hour of doing what I’m best at… grading Danielle’s 2nd grade spelling tests. The little tikes did great this week and had a class average of 95%, in case anyone was wondering.

Then it was time to kick off the weekend. In years past I have set up extravagant “3 birthday weekends” but this year I felt it was unnecessary and wanted to tone back “hey look at me” factor and celebrate with a fellow birthday mate of mine, Katie Jozsa. Her fiance’/baller, Luke, threw her a surprise party of which activities included Ketchup/Grape Jelly infused meatballs (which were, “Minute To Win It” games, and beer pong. I fell short of being able to complete “Johnny Apple-stack” by stacking 5 apples but did succeed in winning 5 consecutive games of beer pong, which really led me to feel young at heart again because I still got it.

The following morning started right where I left off with a Coors Light before noon at the Red Room before the UNM vs UNLV basketball game. That was a lot of prepositions and I’m not exactly sure about the grammar. For Rick’s Birthday this coming weekend, I let him take me to the breakfast open bar. I had a bunch of bacon to stop the hangover before it had a chance to take over and had 6-8 beers by the time the Rebels could close out the New Mexicans.

Danielle then treated me to my third favorite food, Kobe “All You Can Eat” Sushi. After about 9 Ashley Rolls and 3 Sake Bombs, I was just barely to keep the sushi down long enough to take a power nap and shower for later.

Sorry, if you were one of those people who throw up when they see someone else throw up. However, I apologize more for that horrendous music. Then the festivities continued (late of course because Danielle is never on time, never) at Bilbo’s for a night of $2 Kokanees (or as I like to call them “Canadian Coors Lights), shuffle board, and darts. Thank you to everyone who showed up, especially everyone who made the commute from Hendertucky. I couldn’t win in shuffleboard but was able to nail the bullseye on the last shot as we headed out to Chicago Brewery.

I hate this word but Chicago Brewery was “legendary” because for the first time in my life I was “Buffalo Clubbed” by one Bocephus Dwayne Murphy. It was tough to suck down an ice-cold, thick, 22oz. Amber something or other, and that is where things started to get blurry. One of the last things I remember vividly was trying to run a post route on an ex-UCLA cornerback we met and a discussion of what the politically correct term is for a baby’s private parts. We heard everything from donut, to hoohaa, to niney, to some other special phrases that are too vulgar for my PG-13 blog.

I then needed my Jack In the Box grease with probably some dog-food tacos and a Breakfast Jack. Little did I know however, that I was being documented via video-phone. Unfortunately Danielle’s phone doesn’t exist anymore so I cannot upload the videos but in one scene I was asked to describe my birthday in one sentence, upon which I replied abruptly with “I. Am. The. Real. World.” I guess I felt like I was on “The Real World.” Then what I was most afraid of, happened. I slept walk again. Thankfully I made it to the toilet and didn’t urinate on anyone or anything and everything remained in tact.

After such a sinful night, I needed to repent in church, which along with a coffee and asprin, was a great wa to start off my day. After church we met Danielle’s cousin, Deanna, for my second favorite food, Grimaldi’s pizza, which Deanna treated us too and we are very thankful for. I then cleansed off my palette with a Madagascar Vanilla Bean Gelato from Samabalatte, while Danielle decided to take her phone for a dip in her coffee.

I then let the food coma begin to set in while blobbing on the couch watching the biggest pansy in football, Jay Cutler, throw away the game to affirm my prediction that the Bears are garbage. The Steel Curtain was also just strong enough to hold off the out-spoken Jets as my Super Bowl predictions were correct. Too bad I didn’t bet it. Told ya so.

I then decided to close-out my birthday with my family and with my most favorite food of all time, Lucille’s pulled pork. I’m a sucker for suckling and emptied half a bottle of their Memphis BBQ sauce on top that kept me bloated throughout the night. All though I have to say one night of gas and pain was totally worth the 30 minutes of pleasure. I want to thank everyone who contributed to my birthday and for all the nice words on the Facebook streaming in as I type. I am thankful for all of you and am very blessed. Holla.


With the few weeks left leading up to the “Big Game” (I have to say ‘Big Game’ because I am legally restricted from using the NFL trademarked name ‘Super Bowl,’ or at least that’s what all the commercials do) I would like to highlight the reason teams get to the Super Bowl (fuck it, no one reads this anyway) and go on to win the Super Bowl. That reason usually starts at the top with the Head Coach and filters its way down to a consistent defense and having a good running game.

With the NFL being a relatively new league around for only a few decades, the best coaches are held in a class of their own. They took America’s favorite sport in their particular region and made Ming Dynasties out of close to nothing. As always, my leaning toward modern era and bias towards and against some coaches will be in effect and all the more reason for you to debate their substantiality with me. Lights please… I give you the Top Ten NFL Coaches of All Time.

1o. Joe Gibbs: is synonymous with winning throughout the 80s and early 90s. He was an offensive minded coach who could come up with schemes that would make the best defenses go crazy. The dude won 3 rings for the Redskins and they have never been the same since he left the game for NASCAR. This alone almost got him kicked off the list. Even though his racing team is top-notch as well, it is still a bunch of hicks driving with their left blinker on for hours upon hours.

9. Tom Landry: Old school! It still gives me the willies putting him on the list seeing as though he is a Cowboys guy and he probably should be higher on the list but #9 is as high as I’m gonna go for a Cowboy. He’s got two rings and was a defensive mastermind. He had a lot of big dudes that were great at stopping the run. He could shove 11 guys in the box and still get away with it because he knew what his teams were capable of and what they weren’t. He knew they weren’t fast but were big and recognizing your abilities is one of the signs of a great coach. Not to mention he looked cool in a fedora.

8. John Madden: Probably had the best post-coaching career of anyone on the list through commentating and Electronic Arts. And kids who play his video games may not even know that he was one of the best coaches of all time. He somehow won a shitload of games for the worst franchise in history of sports and that stands for a lot more than Sean Payton getting lucky and winning one with a lot of under achieving players. However, Madden is not recognized enough for his consulting work done with the Giants, the Little Giants…

7. Bill Bellichick: I feel #7 is a good place for “The Hoodie” right now. When it is all said and done I feel he will easily crack the Top Five but for now I think his quiet ass is probably content with his position. He is soft-spoken but knows how to assemble talent better than anyone else. His coordinators all end up Head Coaches, not necessarily good ones, but Head Coaches nonetheless. This season was cut short but as long as Uggs are still keeping Tom Brady’s toes warm and safe, he has many a rings to fill up the rest of his phalanges.

6. Mike Ditka: Intangibles. He wasn’t the winningest coach of all time but he is one of the few coaches that would kick Mark Clayton’s ass if he had the chance. I can’t stand da Bears but to them, Ditka is as big if not bigger than Jordan in the Windy City. He’s the only guy on the face of the Earth that can make wearing a sweater vest tough and look cool, it was almost as though it was bulletproof.

5. Bill Parcells: “The Big Tuna” was actually given the nickname for his body shape and not his coaching abilities. Whether it is relevant or not is neither here nor there but he could scare the fins out of a player, literally (See he was the GM for the Dolphins and got rid of a lot of players). He knew exactly what to say to a player to get him to do what he wanted. He coached the shit out of my boy, LT, and I bet if he was still coaching him he wouldn’t be picking up 16 year old hookers and smoking crack.

4. Bill Walsh: He just looks like a nice Grandpa. Granted a lot of his success is due to Joe Montana and Ronnie Lott but he not only was a great coach, but he re-invented offense. He is the Founding Father of the West Coast Offense! How many of you have birthed a game-altering idea that wasn’t shot down on The Disney Channel’s “Z Games”? He was a successful player and coach and will forever be a legend in the Bay Area, even if some of their teams actually start winning.

3. Chuck Knoll: No, not Chuck Norris. Chuckie, I feel is, extremely underrated outside the city of black and yellow black and yellow black and yellow black and yellow. He made the Steelers franchise into what I believe is the best franchise in football. “The Steel Curtain” is still imitated but never replicated and all of that credit is due to Chuck Knoll. He preached defense and demanded respect and that is what he got in return, defense and respect. It was almost as though even his offensive players had defensive mindsets.

2. Don Shula: The only coach ever to go perfect throughout the entire season and he has a great chain of steakhouses to prove it. He shares the face of the Phins franchise with Dan Marino and if it weren’t for Shula, Dan Marino would have been just another extra in “Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.” He exudes what a winner looks like and is full of class. His record of 347 wins doesn’t even begin to compare what he has done for the game and if it weren’t for him South Florida would be just another vacation wi-fi hot-spot, instead of the best football breeding grounds in the world.

1. Vince Lombardi: Jerry West is the logo and Vince Lombardi is the Trophy. Not only is he the namesake for the most coveted trophy in all of team sports but he is without a doubt the greatest NFL Coach of All Time. In a growing era for football in America, Vince Lombardi was the Head Coach, the GM, both coordinators, Groundskeeper, and team Doctor. If anything happened in the city of Green Bay he knew about it. He was known for his stern scowl, chain smoking, and his faith in God as he attended church every single morning before heading to the office (frozen tundra). He will forever be known as one of the best things that has ever happened to football and we all have him to thank for it.

The playoffs are here and you know what that means… A lot of research into picks and predictions that will never pan out. But that is what makes sports beautiful. If everyone who knew a lot about or studied matchups could easily predict the outcome then there would be no fun it watching the suspense of the game because you would know what happens anyway. And with America’s most popular sport heading into the post-season, America will be on the edge of their bar stools for the next month or so.

I try not to take these predictions or myself for that matter too seriously so please take these picks with a large grain of Kosher salt because Kosher salt is the best for grilling. Not to mention my preseason picks had the Vikings and the Cowboys in the NFC ship with the Cowboys winning it all. I’ll break down my possible playoff scenarios in hopes that they play out over time but there is a very good chance they won’t knowing that kickers still play a vital role in close games with their right futbol boots.

No. 6 New York Jets (11-5) at No. 3 Indianapolis Colts (10-6): I along with the rest of the world was spellbound by the Jets going into this season with the remainder of the hype from last season and from “Hard Knocks” and picked them to go to the AFC Championship this year. They are always teetering on the verge of cocky and arrogant rather than the air of confidence they try to exude. As clutch as Peyton is I think that injuries hurt them too much this year to find their Emperor’s Groove and Jets have just too much talent. Jets win 27-21.

No. 5 Baltimore Ravens (12-4) at No. 4 Kansas City Chiefs (10-6): I also picked the Ravens to play the Jets in AFC ship at the beginning of the year but I don’t know if that will still work out for them. I am still not convinced that the Chiefs have more than 12 fans. I think they ship in Oregon Duck fans for home games to make Arrowhead as loud as it gets. They lost to the Raiders twice and are inconsistent on defense. I think the Ravens could win playing one player at each level of defense. Suggs’ ugly mug rushing Cassel, Ray Lewis’ eye black breaking bones, and Ed Reed’s beard scaring receivers away. Ravens win 17-10.

No. 5 New Orleans Saints (11-5) at No. 4 Seattle Seahawks (7-9): As dumb as having a 7-9 Divisonal Champs sounds I am of the belief that the Seahawks deserve a spot in the offs. You play to win the game! Especially divisional games and you cannot take theirs away. That being said I think the Saints should have been given home field but whatever. I don’t know anything about their new Quarterback, Charlie Whitehurst, they have the worst running game in the NFL, but they do have the 12th man with their fans. Saints don’t have the “swagga like us” like last year with Breesy and Reggie Bush being injured much of the season. Saints win 35-21.

No. 6 Green Bay Packers (10-6) at No. 3 Philadelphia Eagles (10-6): This is my favorite game of the week. The Philadelphia Vick’s have an offense that is just fun to watch. Aaron Rodgers is old school quarterback who can sling it. I think DeSean Jackson is not a nice person. Clay Matthews looks like the Ultimate Warrior. I used to be a huge wrestling fan so I’m emotionally picking Green Bay to win even though I can’t fathom Vick losing this week in a real barn burner. Packers win 30-27.

No. 5 Baltimore Ravens (12-4) at No. 2 Pittsburgh Steelers (12-4): The Steelers are the best franchise in all of football and they win be handlin’ business on their bye week preparing for this game. These two defenses should provide for a lot of big hits, not a lot of mental mistakes, and I think it will all come down to quarterback play. Flacco has proven a lot in his young career but I don’t think it is enough to outshine Big Ben who has a lot riding on this game. The Steelers one flaw may be their receiving core but I think Big Ben will make it twerk. If Roethlisberger can stay out of bars this next week, Steelers win 24-17.

No. 6 New York Jets (11-5) at No. 1 New England Patriots (14-2): Tom Brady is just too Tom Brady for the Jets to win. He knows how to closeout games, especially when it’s cold because of his new Uggs endorsement. He is the epitome of a leader and should lead the Pats to the Promiseland. However, you never know what Jets team you’re going to get and I think they are a more talented team and if all their stars align they could steal a win. It will probably be snowing though, so it will probably be hard to see the stars. Patriots win 35-24.

No. 6 Green Bay Packers (10-6) at No. 1 Atlanta Falcons (13-3): I rooted for the Falcons all season with Michael Turner racking up fantasy points for me but I just don’t know if they have the WOW factor. If their offense was a stock portfolio they would be well diversified and low risk/low reward Mutual Fund. Green Bay has had a lot of injuries but just seems to win football games and the just look like the NFL and they excite me. Matty Ice is nice at home but I am not sure he is playoff tested yet and I am going with the upset. Packers win in a close one 30-27.

No. 5 New Orleans Saints (11-5) at No. 2 Chicago Bears (11-5): I cannot stand the Bears and am still shocked they are a playoff team. I feel like Jay Cutler pulls wins out of nowhere that leaves Bears fans shocked every game. I guess that is a good thing for them but I think he is whipped by Kristen Cavallari. As much as I would like to see him lose and see the Dem Saints “Who Dat’n” up and down Mardi Gras again this year but I just can’t go against the numbers. I hope I am wrong with this but Bears win 21-10.

No. 2 Pittsburgh Steelers (12-4) at at No. 1 New England Patriots (14-2): This is my Super Bowl. To me, this is the best two teams in the best conference going at it down after down. The best offense vs the best defense. The best offensive player in the game vs the best defensive player in the game. I don’t know how much water their game earlier this season holds but if this game happens it will be one for the ages. Defense wins championships and I think the Steelers have a competitive edge even against the smartest man to ever wear a sweatshirt with the sleeves cut off in New England in December. Steelers win 21-14.

No. 6 Green Bay Packers (10-6) at No. 2 Chicago Bears (11-5): Teddy Bruschi likes the Packers and so do I. They seem to get better at something every week and hopefully by this time they will be talked about more than the Cowboys head coaching vacancy on SportsCenter. Adam Schefter reports that Jay Cutler doesn’t know if he can play because he has to pick Kristen up from the mall. He’ll show up right before game time and will get lit up by Clay Matthews just like last week as he shows him what real NFC North football looks like.

No. 6 Green Bay Packers (10-6) at No. 2 Pittsburgh Steelers (12-4): This Super Bowl has “Campbell’s Chunky Soup Commerical” written all over it. These teams just have girth, if I can say that in a non-sexual way. These two teams are so manly that they will make the half-time performers, The Black Eyed Peas, look like the Spice Girls. Then maybe they’ll have Pittsburgh native, Wiz Khalifa, perform “Black and Yellow” at halftime while “s-ing a b” instead and Green Bay can find some local polka band to perform on their behalf. I would eat a brat to this game as the Steelers win in “the house that Jerry built”  27-21. Yeeeeeah uh huh you know what it is!