Wouldn’t it be cool if your wedding was one of those cool and swanky Hollywood weddings ridden with celebrities who show up fashionably late and steal all the spotlight. I personally could care less if the attention was drawn away from me and think it would be awesome if celebrities were fighting at the bit to get into my wedding. I wouldn’t want just any old C list celebrity though it would have to be approved by me and here are a few that would easily pass through security clearance with flying colors…
Derek Jeter: The voice of God, Bob Sheppard, will announce his entrance immediately after the wedding party’s. “Now batting for the Yankees, the shortstop, No. 2, Derek Jeter, No. 2.” Derek Jeter is not only a gem on the field but off the field as well. My family are die-hard Yankee fans and would be delighted with his presence. He also would probably bring his weekly model fling as his “plus one” that would make all the ladies happy.
Oprah: Whether you love her or hate her, who wouldn’t want Oprah to show up in her helicopter as it lands in the middle of the field as Queen Oprah makes her grand entrance. She would probably give Danielle and I some good life tips that she stole from Dr. Phil or Dr. Oz. But the best part is that right before we cut the cake she would ask everyone to reach under their chair only to find out that each of our guests has one a brand new house!
Jay-Z: HOVA would not only be welcomed to attend my wedding he would have full reign of the mic as he would take over as emcee. How tight would it be if he was like “And now for the first time it’s ya boi, Mr. and Mrs. Mackin” and then did his signature laugh? Beyonce and her girls would do the single ladies dance right after the Father/Daughter dance. And the most important part is that they would probably leave a pretty thick envelope at the end of the night with a card signed “S. Carter.”
Kate’s 8 (Minus Kate): Other than our ring bearer and flower girl, we don’t have any little kids coming to our wedding and I think it would be awesome to have a bunch of little rascals running through the field and playing on the tire swing. My only requirement is that Kate Gosselin stays a minimum of 500 yards from the grounds at all time and that the kids are being supervised by a babysitter. The way I see it, the more time away from Kate those kids have, the better.
Mike Kryzewski: Coach K is not only one of the best coaches of all time but he is a true patriot and an inspirational speaker. God forbid Pete got too drunk and gave a dumb speech, I know Coach K would be rushing to the rescue as he delivers a heartfelt and inspiring speech that would leave all of the guests with goose bumps. He could probably hook me up with some free Team USA and Duke swag also.
Sarah Palin: Keeping in line with great Americans, it would be good story to say that the possible first woman President or Vice President of the United States was at my wedding. I know she isn’t the most intellectual politician out there, but her values and persistence mean more to me than a sneaky politician who knows how to slither out of any situation. Plus it would be nice if she could convert some of my liberal family members to the good site as she campaigns.
Zach Galifinakis: If you don’t have any jolly fat people attending your wedding, I strongly suggest you start recruiting. Luckily, we are good in that department but if we were in need, Zach Galifinakis’ agent would be the first person I would call. How hilarious would it be to see him rubbin up on all the Grandmas and Aunts rubbin his belly as they comb their fingers through his bead. He would probably get way too drunk and get completely out of line, which would be made mandatory in the independent contractor agreement.
Kesha: While Zach Galifinakis may be “that guy,” he needs a partner in crime to be his “that girl.” She’ll be the scantily clad attendee in the back with the Jack by the jukebox. If there isn’t some sort of drama or if some girl doesn’t drink too much, then it really isn’t a wedding, is it? One thing that deters me from inviting her is that she would probably order shots for everyone knowing that it is an open bar and completely hike up our tab as she dines and ditches, but whatever.
Tony Kornheiser: Well, many of my Dad’s family stems from the homeland, Israel, and TK would please all of the Jews in and outside of the family. He is absolutely hilarious and as I aspire to be like him, it would be nothing but an honor to have him at my wedding wearing a corridor sports jacket with elbow pads. The only bad thing is that he would probably leave the party early to watch DWTS and be in bed by 10pm.
Sandra Bullock: Sandra Bullock is just a stand up lady. She exudes nothing but class and would probably look stunning in a nice light summer dress. She seems genuinely nice and would probably be playing with the Gosselin kids throughout the reception as she sips her chard. She also would probably match our wedding gift by donating the same amount to some great and worthy charity.