Top Ten Man Crushes

Posted: September 28, 2010 in Pop Culture

First thing’s first, I swear to God I came up with the first nine off the top of my head. It wasn’t until I had to Google “hot men” to find the tenth. I was completely comfortable with my sexuality up until that point, and it was then and only then did I feel awkward. I have come to the realization my readers would like a more balanced view on my topics. Pop culture is pretty demographically diversified across the board but I do tend to write about sports a lot. I’m not saying that females don’t like sports because the obviously do (see God Bless the NFL) but I think the ladies would appreciate some plutonic and electronic love every now and then. This blog is for all of the ladies who like dudes, dudes who like dudes, and dudes like me who are ok with saying “yeah, he’s a good looking dude.” And thus here are the benefits of my awkward inquiries…

10. Brad Pitt: Yes, he is the result of my uncomfortable search. But that moment was short-lived because he popped up everywhere and I could move on. You can’t really argue this one. BP has one of those timeless looks where he can play any character in any era with any look. His wife is hot, his kids are precious, and he seems like a good guy, other than the fact that he cheated on Jen Aniston. All of these factors contribute to his handsome man aura.

9. Troy Polamalu: I don’t usually go for the Asian/Pacific Islander look but how could you not do a double take when you see his long, flowing, million dollar insured locks? You know he is good breeding and a ridiculous athlete. Ladies, if you don’t know who he is, just YouTube his Head and Shoulders commercials or his play last week when he hurdled the Titans entire offensive line. My big thing with him is that he is one of the few NFL players who have been able to function beyond the helmet. I have this theory that NFL players are always yearning for more attention like rappers and NBA players because there are 100 players on a team and all of their faces our covered up. I.E. Identity crisis.

8. Chris Brown: The bad boy of the list. In no way, shape, or form am I condoning domestic violence. However, I think most people will agree that he has moved on from his bad choices and is progressing as a man, and a good looking one at that. As much as I love black guys, I am oddly enough not attracted to them as much as one might think. Chris Breezy isn’t your regular Joe Blow though; he is multi-faceted as a good actor, great singer, and uh-mazing dancer. Dudes, if you think I’m a little gay with this one just look at moves in his “Take You Down” live performance. If you could do what he can do, you would have a lot more lady friends than you currently do.

7. Eric Dane: Yeah, I didn’t know his name either till I IMDBed him. He’s the silver fox from “Grey’s Anatomy” also known as McSteamy? I didn’t know that was his nickname either but I do know that he is good looking for an older gentleman. I think most guys would be perfectly happy to look like him when they are in their 40s. The salt and pepper hair never fails when paired with a strapping and sophisticated man.

6. Shia Labeouf: Shia Labeouf is pretty much the comeback player of a lifetime, let’s take a look. His name is Shia Labeouf, so he was already destined for troubled waters out of the gate. Then he got his break as Louis Stevens the quirky, curly-haired, menace of a little brother on “Even Stevens.” So, he has definitely overcome a lot of odds to become the good-looking young man that you see on the silver screen. I think that the straightener and hair relaxer really helped him out and that fact that he was making out with bad girl Megan Fox doesn’t hurt his “man stock” either.

5. David Beckham/Cristiano Ronaldo: These two were a toss-up for me and I didn’t see any added value by having two European soccer players on the list. Their female fans are in the same demo and they both are a little overrated athletically. Bex has versatile hair, a hot wife, but most of all a sick pair of sleeves. I am not a majuh majuh proponent of tattoos but he makes me want to run out and get matching sleeves for like a year and then have them removed. One big knock against him though is voice, dude sounds like Paul McCartney and the Chipmunks chopped and screwed a song and he was the spawn. As gay as it sounds, Cristiano Ronaldo is just flat-out sexy. If you haven’t seen his new Armani commercial, it is pretty racy, clever but racy. Not to mention the fact that he coined the Euro-Soccer mullet when he was like 17 and it just made it to the states like a year ago.

4. Ryan Reynolds: Even though this plays off of his character in “Waiting.” I would assume the ladies would assimilate his look to their good looking co-worker that they have worked with in the past and have always wanted to hang out after work or maybe switched shifts just so you can laugh at his bad jokes with him. He has like a 12 pack and is pretty funny which adds to his attractiveness. He also seems like a guy most guys would want to go to Yardhouse with and make fun of their goofy friend with.

3. Zac Effron: The baby of the list may have the most potential of all. He is the kid who parents are ecstatic to meet when their daughter was asked to prom by him. He has really good style, flawless hair (even more so than Justin Bieber, who didn’t make the list for legal implications), and the world at his fingertips. He has an okay voice, which hopefully he stops using on corny musicals and focuses on more mature roles. He is the guy I would think most guys would hate on just because he can pretty much do whatever he wants when he wants.

2. Josh Duhamel: He has been one of my personal favs for far too long now. Ever since I started watching “Las Vegas” he had my heart. He just looks like America to me. I feel like he needs to be casted in more action/military/law enforcement roles because he looks like the guy you would want to save your kitty in the tree, and to be taking the bullet as he dives in front of the President. He has that chiseled strong jaw that doesn’t compliment the fugliness of Fergie. If I can just hop on my soapbox for a minute, he is way better looking than her, doesn’t smoke rocks with Joe Rogan, and can do way better. Phew thank you.

1. Justin Timberlake: He is the renaissance man of our era. We have watched him grow up right before our eyes. From wearing JNCO jeans and a Carolina blue Tar Heels visor, to having his own million dollar clothing line. From signing pre-packaged bubble gum pop, to writing some of the great songs of our era and dating every hot chick in Hollywood between Britney Spears, Christina Augliera, Janet Jackson, Cameron Diaz, and Jessica Biel. The dude is the Derek Jeter of the entertainment industry. He is really taking acting by storm, as much as I would like another album and fast. Also, rumor is that he is recruiting former N*Sync members for a one night only return at Pure for NYE 2011, but you didn’t hear it from me. You just can’t be mad at him, women want him and men want to be him.

Comments
  1. Caity Brewer says:

    I agree with all of these! good job mackin!!!

  2. Tophness says:

    Where is Bieber Mackin?

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