Now, I don’t usually watch DWTS but this season’s cast compelled me to watch. When you mix The Situation with Carol Brady and David Hasselfhoff there is some entertaining television to be made. While the actually dancing may go down the tubes, the shock value I believe will be up more than usual with an edgier DWTS than usual. For this blog I will recap the the season premier and place my projections per their stay on the show…
Audrina Partridge: Was hot. Although, I did notice a gross tattoo on her neck which turned off the little bit of liking I had for her. My theory with her lies in her upbringing. She’s a pretty girl, so odds are she probably had some sort of dance/cheer training at some point in her life, giving her decent rhythm. At the minimum she was asked to every dance throughout high school by an older boy, so she probably had to overcompensate to keep with the older girls’ dance moves.
Kurt Warner: I was actually pleasantly surprised with the former grocery bagger. I thought he was definitely going to rival Mrs. Brady for the whitest dancer. Being a traditional drop-back quarterback, he may have some issues with his lines but he was pretty light on his feet and might surprise people with his work ethic.
Kyle Massey: mos2t people don’t recognize him by his name but once you see him, he is the token black guy from the Disney Channel. He took over his predecessor on “The Jersey” and “Stomp the Yard.” He absolutely just oozes sexy personality for a chubby kid. You can tell he’s having fun out there. He brings a little bit of the streets from “That’s So Raven” and is fun to watch. Plus I think he’s enjoying rubbing up on the thick blonde girl 4x a week.
Rick Fox: Didn’t like him as a Laker, don’t like him now. Nothing worth reporting.
Margaret Cho: I’m torn on her. I don’t know if I’m happy that she covered up her ugly tattoos with that ugly dress. She’s not good and won’t last long.
Brandy: Definitely the favorite going into this season but with being the favorite the only way you can go is down. I think with all of her training she has to be the favorite going in and will probably do really well the first half of the season. But look for her to peak early on as other dancers grow past her.
Bristol Palin: First of all her son is adorable and I want to eat him up with a spoon. She automatically gets points with me for being conservative, so I will be subconsciously biased towards her and make excuses for her throughout her short stint on the season, which I apologize in advance for. At least her Mom is hotter too. AK represent.
Flo Hendo: Fun Fact: She was a Delta Zeta, and as returning Mr. Delta Zeta I am obliged to say nothing negative about her. She is a jaguar and will probably make a lot of people smile this season. If I were at her retirement home for a Senior Prom I would definitely dance with her first. She will make it farther than the old lady from the last season but won’t make it farther than Ochocinco did.
Michael Bolton: I think some ladies would classify him as a DILF. Unfortunately, his sexy raspy voice won’t keep him on the show long with posture worst than me. He looked like a better looking, 45 year old version of the Hunchback of Notre Dame is the rehearsals. But he does get props for rockin the 1997 one earring.
Sitch: They would pair him with the Russian girl. He is pigeon toed! I can’t believe he hid it from America for the last 2 seasons. However, I think we all can agree he needs to lose his strap-backed hats. Not only are the bedazzled, which isn’t really anything new, but they are like the ones old ladies wear to card games. They don’t even look like Ed Hardy/Von Dutch. Maybe he wears them to cover up his balding haircut. If he’s gonna pull of the design in his hair he can’t be 29 years old, but I still love him. You know Pauly D was watchin it last night fist pumpin for his boy.
The girl from Dirty Dancing: I didn’t even recognize her with her nose job and she looks really good for 50 years old. It’s sad that the song reminded her of Patrick Swayze. I feel bad for her and with the professional training she has had she will probably do really well on the show and maybe revitalize her career.
The Hoff: I’ll give him easies this week cause God knows he was hammered during all rehearsals and the performance. He’ll probably say some funny shit while he is on the show. I hope he lasts cause seeing the biggest douche in the world each week will be entertaining and add a little zing to this season.