I love the collaboration of sports and fashion when it comes to nice uniforms. As, a whole I would say that the NFL is no on the forefront of uniform designs and I kind of get that. They’re good with consistency, not switching too many things up and losing or confusing fans. The NFL, while it may be young in its existence is a fair traditional and conservative institution that prides itself on its history.
So, I do understand why they do not necessarily have the most groundbreaking and daring uniforms and are more comfortable with nothing outside of the secondary color wheel and 2 striped shoulder pads. So please take this list with a grain of salt and enjoy.
Philadelphia Eagles: The old school kelly green unis we saw Mike Vick scurrying all over the field in this weekend are much nicer than the latest. My main problem consists with the color choice, as this is where many of my issues come with the uniforms. It’s hard to say I am an Eagles fan, a fan of the blank and black? I mean what color is that? It’s like if someone took Florida Marlin teal and Raider black and got this awk concoction.
Kansas City Chiefs: The Chiefs aren’t that bad. I’m not completely against their color scheme. I mean Joe Montana made them look good for like a week. My problem resides in their front office. I don’t know whose decision it was last year, but I starkly remember when they played the Dallas Cowboys, Kansas City wore their former Dallas Texans unis but it was dumb. I understand that it is a part of their past which is fine and they should rock them once a year but why would you choose that one time to be when you play the team who dominates not only the region in fan base but your own state. I think KC lost the 17 fans they had in Kansas and Oklahoma to Dallas that week.
Washington Redskins: I still don’t know how the Skins have lasted by keeping their namesake in this age of political correctness but somehow they have salvaged it and more power to them. They have never really produced a good team; they draft a lot of good players, and then trade them away from their hideous colorway. I think it started as plain maroon jerseys, and then Dan Snyder’s Great Grandfather spilled mustard from his hot dog on his replica jersey and created that monster. The players try to even wear black and yellow cleats to liven the unis up a little but it just looks bad because it brings out the mustardiness in the colorway even more. Ugh!
St. Louis Rams: Usually I am a fan of creative design in uniforms when it incorporates the team mascot into the uniform and especially the helmet. However, this particular instance just doesn’t do it for me. I wasn’t a fan of the royal blue and yellow. I am not a fan of the navy blue and gold. Honestly, I think they should move the team back to LA and start from scratch by rebranding the team by calling them the Los Angeles Stars. The name “Stars” enables them to play off of their fan base of Hollywood. As much as I hate the Lakers they would have modern purple and gold uniforms. The Lake show has millions of fans who love rockin the purple and gold. The logo would consist of a modern version of gold stars in a dark purple sky. They have a new quarterback with a bright future and could do a lot of big things with Ari Gold as the owner and Pete Carroll coming back to SoCal to coach. I know I’m genius right?
Cleveland Browns: I feel bad even saying this because the state of Ohio just isn’t very good anything. They have shitty franchise in every sports and lose all of their soon to be stars because they can’t get their kindergarteners in a single file line. Obviously, a “Brown” is in reference to the canine. But it is rare that the franchise makes reference to their namesake or incorporates it into their brand. So, some dumb Clevelander (not the nightclub) probably thought to just make them it the color. Oh and then let’s throw some orange puke in there to match the shit brown. Typical Ohio.
Denver Broncos: Denver is a great city graced with a horrible franchise. Any future success left the Rockies when John Elway and Terrell Davis did. Their current uniforms suck and their previous ones were absolutely horrendous. And it is the dumb front office that has decided to bring them back not sparingly but wear them pretty much every other week. They resemble the situation in Cleveland in that they have the same base color of shit and they too can’t get their players on the same page. They were dumb by adding a vertically striped sock to match the rest of their Bonanza High School JV uniforms. But some players twist the socks and some pull them straight leaving everyone in Denver in a cold and snowy mess.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: This review comes with much dismay and disappointment because I know they can accomplish so much more in Tampa. They have beautiful weather year round, a ton of fans in a great football state, a great mascot, but the walked it all off the plank with their current uniforms. Their expansion uniforms were nothing short of beautiful. They looked like delicious creamsicles in the form of stellar athletes. And in the current era they would be more modern and even way nicer. With the bright colors they would look like a jerk crew with pads. I don’t even know where to start in describing their current colors of I guess rusted copper and red?
Dallas Cowboys: Now, I am going to restrain myself from being biased because I hate everything from Texas and the Cowboys in particular. But I did pick them to win the Super Bowl in the Taj Majones this year. So, that should be a reflection of my objectiveness. The Cowboys are a “Van Gogh” so to speak. They look good from far away but when you look up close they’re an abstract sponge painting. The colorway of silver pants/white jersey/silver helmet troubles me. The pants are silver with a tinge of aqua in them when they hit the light. White traditional jersey-no quams there for the most part. The traditional design is fine; however, the royal blue trim is where confusion comes to play. The silver helmet does not match the silver pants!!!!! Two completely different colors. The navy blue star on the helmet does not match royal blue trim on the jersey!!!! Just make them the same color silver and same color blue!!!!!! Shit!!!!