Top Ten NFL Coaches of All Time

With the few weeks left leading up to the “Big Game” (I have to say ‘Big Game’ because I am legally restricted from using the NFL trademarked name ‘Super Bowl,’ or at least that’s what all the commercials do) I would like to highlight the reason teams get to the Super Bowl (fuck it, no one reads this anyway) and go on to win the Super Bowl. That reason usually starts at the top with the Head Coach and filters its way down to a consistent defense and having a good running game.

With the NFL being a relatively new league around for only a few decades, the best coaches are held in a class of their own. They took America’s favorite sport in their particular region and made Ming Dynasties out of close to nothing. As always, my leaning toward modern era and bias towards and against some coaches will be in effect and all the more reason for you to debate their substantiality with me. Lights please… I give you the Top Ten NFL Coaches of All Time.

1o. Joe Gibbs: is synonymous with winning throughout the 80s and early 90s. He was an offensive minded coach who could come up with schemes that would make the best defenses go crazy. The dude won 3 rings for the Redskins and they have never been the same since he left the game for NASCAR. This alone almost got him kicked off the list. Even though his racing team is top-notch as well, it is still a bunch of hicks driving with their left blinker on for hours upon hours.

9. Tom Landry: Old school! It still gives me the willies putting him on the list seeing as though he is a Cowboys guy and he probably should be higher on the list but #9 is as high as I’m gonna go for a Cowboy. He’s got two rings and was a defensive mastermind. He had a lot of big dudes that were great at stopping the run. He could shove 11 guys in the box and still get away with it because he knew what his teams were capable of and what they weren’t. He knew they weren’t fast but were big and recognizing your abilities is one of the signs of a great coach. Not to mention he looked cool in a fedora.

8. John Madden: Probably had the best post-coaching career of anyone on the list through commentating and Electronic Arts. And kids who play his video games may not even know that he was one of the best coaches of all time. He somehow won a shitload of games for the worst franchise in history of sports and that stands for a lot more than Sean Payton getting lucky and winning one with a lot of under achieving players. However, Madden is not recognized enough for his consulting work done with the Giants, the Little Giants…

7. Bill Bellichick: I feel #7 is a good place for “The Hoodie” right now. When it is all said and done I feel he will easily crack the Top Five but for now I think his quiet ass is probably content with his position. He is soft-spoken but knows how to assemble talent better than anyone else. His coordinators all end up Head Coaches, not necessarily good ones, but Head Coaches nonetheless. This season was cut short but as long as Uggs are still keeping Tom Brady’s toes warm and safe, he has many a rings to fill up the rest of his phalanges.

6. Mike Ditka: Intangibles. He wasn’t the winningest coach of all time but he is one of the few coaches that would kick Mark Clayton’s ass if he had the chance. I can’t stand da Bears but to them, Ditka is as big if not bigger than Jordan in the Windy City. He’s the only guy on the face of the Earth that can make wearing a sweater vest tough and look cool, it was almost as though it was bulletproof.

5. Bill Parcells: “The Big Tuna” was actually given the nickname for his body shape and not his coaching abilities. Whether it is relevant or not is neither here nor there but he could scare the fins out of a player, literally (See he was the GM for the Dolphins and got rid of a lot of players). He knew exactly what to say to a player to get him to do what he wanted. He coached the shit out of my boy, LT, and I bet if he was still coaching him he wouldn’t be picking up 16 year old hookers and smoking crack.

4. Bill Walsh: He just looks like a nice Grandpa. Granted a lot of his success is due to Joe Montana and Ronnie Lott but he not only was a great coach, but he re-invented offense. He is the Founding Father of the West Coast Offense! How many of you have birthed a game-altering idea that wasn’t shot down on The Disney Channel’s “Z Games”? He was a successful player and coach and will forever be a legend in the Bay Area, even if some of their teams actually start winning.

3. Chuck Knoll: No, not Chuck Norris. Chuckie, I feel is, extremely underrated outside the city of black and yellow black and yellow black and yellow black and yellow. He made the Steelers franchise into what I believe is the best franchise in football. “The Steel Curtain” is still imitated but never replicated and all of that credit is due to Chuck Knoll. He preached defense and demanded respect and that is what he got in return, defense and respect. It was almost as though even his offensive players had defensive mindsets.

2. Don Shula: The only coach ever to go perfect throughout the entire season and he has a great chain of steakhouses to prove it. He shares the face of the Phins franchise with Dan Marino and if it weren’t for Shula, Dan Marino would have been just another extra in “Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.” He exudes what a winner looks like and is full of class. His record of 347 wins doesn’t even begin to compare what he has done for the game and if it weren’t for him South Florida would be just another vacation wi-fi hot-spot, instead of the best football breeding grounds in the world.

1. Vince Lombardi: Jerry West is the logo and Vince Lombardi is the Trophy. Not only is he the namesake for the most coveted trophy in all of team sports but he is without a doubt the greatest NFL Coach of All Time. In a growing era for football in America, Vince Lombardi was the Head Coach, the GM, both coordinators, Groundskeeper, and team Doctor. If anything happened in the city of Green Bay he knew about it. He was known for his stern scowl, chain smoking, and his faith in God as he attended church every single morning before heading to the office (frozen tundra). He will forever be known as one of the best things that has ever happened to football and we all have him to thank for it.

24/7 Penguins/Capitals: Road to the NHL Winter Classic

HBO is a leader is the sports documentary world with big hits in “Hard Knocks,” “24/7 Pacquioa/Whoever,” and now a newfound rivalry between the Pittsburgh Penguins and the Washington Capitals. The main characters in the drama are NHL stars Sidney Crosby and Alex Ovechkin.

This mini-series showcases the road to the 2011 NHL Winter Classic of the these two Eastern Conference rivals playing outdoors at Heinz Field in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. HBO is allowed unlimited access to both benches and locker rooms giving us uncensored insight into the inner workings of the rivalry.

The Pens are one of the league’s best teams with the league’s best player. Sid “The Kid” gets a lot of flack for being kind of a “pretty boy” for whining and not wanting to mix it up in years past. However, on multiple occasions this season Sid has dropped the gloves to prove the he is not a pansy and that not only can he score on you but he can pull a sweater of your head and punch you a couple of times too.

The Pens are led by young Head Coach, Dan Bylsma who won the Stanley Cup with the Pens only 4 months after being called up from their minor league system. He is the NHL’s version of Josh McDaniels except he actually wins games and he isn’t a doucher. He brings a fun and intense atmosphere to the team in by having a monthly shootout contest in which the last player to score has to grow out his mustache until the next month’s practice.

Hockey players are different than other new-age athletes. They have a stereotype of being tougher than other players. They are allowed and encouraged to fight and fight well. The grow out funny mustaches and beard combinations. They add the letter “Y” to the end of someones name to better identify themselves through nick of name. These hockey player traits are also brought forth by the struggling Washington Capitals.

Russian phenom Alexander “The Great” Ovechkin wears the “C” for the Caps. He isn’t as corporate as his young counterpart. He has the signature missing teeth, scratchy beard, of which he recently shaved due to his new deal with Gillette. AO is known for his flashy play and playboy nature off the ice. He is known well by the ladies in competing cities as well as the bartenders who keep fine Russian vodkas in the well for him.

The Caps are stuck in a bit of a rut right now that Head Coach Bruce Boudreau (who reminds me of an angry roly poly) cannot seem to pull his players out of. Losing streaks, spreading flu viruses, and poor defense have kept the Caps a foot the bottom of the Eastern Conference this year, which adds to the building competitive antimosity towards New Years day when they enter into the Winter Classic.

The Caps got kids in the nurse’s office and the Pens are trying to fend off others till they can get back to full strength with the return of league leading point getter Evgeni Malkin. The both have their work cut out for them as they are taped taping their sticks on their skate to playing on the pond outside in the Burgh.

It is outdoor played games like this that I feel brings the NHL back to where it should be as a top 4 sport in America that has been taken over by UFC, NASCAR, soccer, and golf. The NHL has also implemented a playground system of selecting their 2011 All Star Team. The team’s capitans will select their remaining players in hopes of hosting a more competitive game with a playoff atmosphere rather than that of an exhibition.

http://www.nhl.com/ice/news.htm?id=543059

Obviously hockey isn’t as popular as football in America, but this is a great show if you like hockey or can at least tolerate it. It is on Wednesdays at 7pm on HBO and I highly suggest you DVR it. Most people who watched Hard Knocks weren’t avid Jets/football fans they were just people who liked getting an insider’s view into a cool reality show.

Verizon, T-Mobile, and Sprint… Oh my!

I come to you all on this “My Life Monday” with a little conundrum that is currently occupying my brain. I have been in a long-term relationship with Verizon for about 10 years now. We have had our ups and downs over the course of our relationship just like any other and I am officially changing our relationship status to “it’s complicated.”

Having the best network for the last decade just isn’t enough anymore. I need Verizon to put just as much into this relationship as I am and I can honestly say “it’s not me, it’s you.” For the last 5 years I have been dumping $140 a month into a little line item in your accounts receivable and I am finally fed up with your shit. If we’re going to make it through these time tough times we’re going to have to do it together.

I’m at the breaking point right now where if Verizon doesn’t make some serious changes I’m going to call it quits and take my business elsewhere. I currently have an offer on the table to take my talents to T-Mobile for the same minutes, unlimited text messaging and data for $89.99 a month. On the real though, there is a lot more to a relationship than a carrier and minutes, there is the “coup de grâce” of a cellular experience, the mobile device.

Over the last four years I have been addicted to the CrackBerry pipe. I have taken what was normally a business phone for boring people and completely rebranded it as the MackBerry. I started off with the World Edition, adopted the black sheep of the Blackberry family, the Storm, and dropped it like it wasnt hot for the Tour which has taken me everywhere and back. I get choked up just at the thought of leaving my BBM and memos behind but I believe I have found greener grass.

The grass isn’t always greener on the other side but I do believe as though I have found better options. Danielle has been with T-Mobile for over ten years and they are trying to convert me from the Verizon Red to T-Mobile Pink. The monthly plan is definitely nice but it is Charles Barkley, D-Wade, and Superman and their MyTouches with Android operating systems that are really making me take this life decision seriously.

I have been a huge texter over the course of my cellular career and have always been a huge advocate for real buttons opposed to touchscreens. However, with new “Swype” technology texting has become even easier. It allows you to swipe your fingers across the keyboard from letter to letter without having to pick up your little chicken fingers. It is like playing connect the dots with words.

Cool right? I have not completely given up yet though. Right now, I’m Carmelo Anthony playing for the Denver Nuggets (Verizon) while the New York Knicks (T-Mobile) is really where I want to be but there still are those pesky New Jersey Nets (Sprint) out there in a bidding war for me.

Sprint has some pretty good players that are definitely tempting. The have the EVO, the BlackBerry Style, and a fairly priced plan with a really good network. However, they just don’t have the “it factor” for me. They sponsor NASCAR which goes against everything I believe in and I’m not a big fan of black and yellow color scheme unless it’s being rocked by the Pittsburgh kid, Wiz Khalifa.

Like I said, I have not completely jumped ship yet and am still entertaining offers. That being said, I will not host an hour-long special on ESPN to let the world what service provider I will take my talents to for the next two years. Instead, I would like to surround myself with the right entourage of people who care about me and my interests instead of the people who are hanging on to me just for my BBMs.

This is a big “decision” and I want to make sure I don’t rush into it and choose hastily for the mere approval of my crew and cronies. I would like to solicit for the help and expertise of people who are educated on these subjects. People who can compare both the pros and cons for me so as to assist me in making the right choice, for myself and my lifestyle. If you have any advice for me on this dilemma, insider trading tips, or a cool app to download polyphonic ringtones it would be greatly appreciated.