Top Ten 90s Nickelodeon Shows

Pull up your orange couch, postpone your reading of the back of the cereal box and deter your eyes to this blog because today I’m going to bring you back to your childhood. Today I will be highlighting and analyzing the Top Ten 90s Nickelodeon Shows.

This was our era! When we are retired and crossing kids back and forth across the street in a reflective vest, this is the era that we will look back on. It will not be the 2000s, where we talk about MTV’s “Made: I want to be a hip-hop dancer” or the 2010s with “The Jersey Shore” and their multiple spin-offs. This was our time to shine and I plan on bringing all of the spotlight back for our remembering pleasure just like it was a SNICK Friday.

10. Are You Afraid of the Dark?: I realize this may shock some of you that the SNICK headliner is this far down on the list. And those dropped jaws are justified however, I am a little girl when it comes to scary stuff. I don’t like roller coasters, I don’t like scary movies (realistic or unrealistic) and I DID NOT like Are You Afraid of the Dark?. This was a pivotal time on my pre-adolescence and was the epitome of everything scary. Just listening to this intro (because I wouldn’t watch it) brings back bad memories, so let’s move on.

9. Clarissa Explains It All: Shut up Ferg-breath! Clarissa was a big sister to all of us. She was the ultimate hipster before hipsters existed. She was always on the cutting edge of fashion and was the PG version of Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City for boys and girls of all ages. This was Melissa Joan Hart’s first big hit before she could make the jump that all 90s child stars aspired for, from SNICK on Nickelodeon to Sabrina the Teenage Witch on TGIF.

8. My Brother and Me: This show had a profound impact on my life and shaped me into the person I am today. Even though the acting was horrible and the laugh machine was antiquated, it was My Brother and Me that made me want to be black. I wanted to have a haircut like Alfie and have a little brother to pick on like Dee Dee. I remember wearing the same shirts as them, granted in a smaller size but the same shirts nonetheless. And I don’t know what I would have done without Goo and his punch in my life. Who knows I could be listening to country music and in theatre or something if it weren’t for them.

7. Gullah Gullah Island: This was the show we all watched but didn’t tell anyone we watched because it was on “Nick Jr.” It was educational and taught us many life lessons at a young age that “Ren and Stimpy” could not. Maybe a younger sibling wanted to watch it and we would pretend like we wanted to watch the much more mature Hey Arnold but we really didn’t because we wanted to see what Binya Binya Pollywog was up to next.

6. Doug: Doug Funnie was most guys in middle school. He was post-puberty but still awakward. He had his dog, Porkchop, and main squeeze, Skeeter, to help him through the trials and tribulations of maturity. He had the many crushes on Patty Mayonaise and was always getting picked on by Roger Klotz. These were all great characters with great storylines revolving around them but we forget the great music that Doug brought us by the “The Beets.” Hits like “Killer Tofu,” “Bangin’ on a Trash Can,” “Shout Your Lungs Out,” or my all time favorite “I Need More Allowance.”

5. Hey Dude: I was one of those kids that never wanted to go away to sleep-away camp (until I saw Bug Juice but that is a blog for another day) but if I were to go on vacation I wanted to go to The Bar-None Ranch. Everyone just was always having a good time. It was a place where you could forget all of your worries and relax amidst the great Wild West culture.

4. GUTS: Do you have it? I friggin love this show! Mike O’Malley got his big break here on GUTS before he could move on to bigger and better projects like Glee? Conquering the Agro Crag was a goal for not only American kids but kids around the world. It was basically the kids version of Gladiators. It taught us life skills like teamwork, perseverance, and pride for your country. It was just a good overall show and it’s sad that kids these days don’t have anything like GUTS to teach them things like GUTS did. Instead they’re learning how to have sex at 11, watching Skins. Now, that I have hopped off my soapbox, “tell em what they’ve won, Mo”!

3. Rugrats: The best cartoon of all time! I wasn’t a big cartoon fan as a kid but Rugrats broke animation barriers. They were the Jackie Robinson and Billie Jean King of 90s Nickelodeon Shows. The characters made the show for us. Tommy and Angelica Pickles, Chuckie Finster, Phil and Lil DeVille, Dr. Lipschitz, and Reptar. The adventures that the toddlers and infants were going on seemed impossible to us even as we were much older as we still admired them for their bravery.

2. The Secret World of Alex Mack: I never like it when girls wore baseball hats but Larisa Olyenik was the exception to the rule. Although I never stood a chance because she had a crush on Ray in what seemed like every episode. She was the queen of the “90s tom-boy look” and had magic powers. I now see the subconscious and political undertones taking shots at oil spills and the effects on society but it was a great show with a lot more drama that you would expect. She could zap things, morph into liquid, all the while never messing up her hair.

1. Salute Your Shorts: “Camp Anawanna, we hold you in our hearts, and when we think about you, it makes me wanna fart! It’s hold you in our hearts, get it right or pay the price.” This was the best show Nickelodeon ever aired and completely underrated if you ask me. You just cannot replicate characters like Donkey Lips, Ug Lee, ZZ, and Budnick. We could relate to them. There were the bullies, popular girls, jocks, and nerds. They embodied everything we ever went through as kids in a few summers on a lake and the credit is all due to them.

Top Ten Bands of All Time

When I first dreamt up this task I knew it would be a tough one at hand. I am a fan of hip hop and boy band pop. I listen traditional rock music against my will in bars I normally don’t want to be in. However, I know that I am not the masses and most would not agree with taste in music. I seek to appease my readers and did a lot of research trying to find a route in which I can run with to compile an accurate set list of bands. I went back several eras finding bands I’ve heard of, heard their songs, but would not be able to connect the dots if you put me on “Jeopardy.”

The count is 0-2 and I have a pitch to waste so I’m going to throw junk. This once fastball up and in is now going to be a backdoor curve. Rather than highlighting bands I know little about for historical accuracy, I have decided to throw the Jack in the Box wrapper out the window and do what I like. And I had like the rap/rock fusion and semi-punk rock music of the 90s and early 2000s. With musical political correctness aside, I basically give you the top ten artists I guess I could listen to if I was on a road trip with someone I didn’t know in the car so I wouldn’t pitch a fit.

10. Limpbizkit: Fred Durst and the rest of the nookies are the inspiration for my obsession with collecting hats and for that reason alone they make the list. They had a few hits on TRL, stirred it up a little with Carson and Christina, and most importantly featured rap artists. My favorite song of them is “Rollin” because the video had cute girls wearing Yankee hats which sent my 7th grade raging hormones into overdrive.

9. Nirvana: Suicide is the most selfish thing someone could ever do to their friends and family so I am throwing them on the list for the other members of the band not the smelly guy who dated Courtney Love. I can’t understand a word they say in their songs but they were the pop culture pioneers of the grunge punk era or what from what I’ve been told. Which honestly is something I could give two shitzus about. I appreciate a good sense of humor and without them, Weird Al wouldn’t have been able to do this…

8. Oasis: From what I hear frontman, Liam Gallagher, was a real diva and could have really used a Snickers. They were British, so I guess that accounts for most of the arrogance. I don’t know if they were a one hit wonder to everyone else but I only know one of their songs and it is a “one hit wonderwall.” This one always comes on at the right time during my runs where I’m already in the zone (thanks to DJ Khaled) but I’m needing a mellow song to bring my heart rate back down. It also reminds me of Serenades 2008…

7. Hootie and the Blowfish: Darius Rucker may have vetured out to be the Jackie Robinson of country music but he will forever be Hootie in our hearts. I appreciate their sense of humor and their AFC fan affiliation, the Miami Dolphins. How funny would it be if you knew a guy who still dressed like their drummer? The fettucine hair and backwards hat he got at GAP, right? You’ve seen him at gas stations before and laughed to yourself

6. Bush: Lol. Sorry, I like Gavin Rossdale for some reason. Maybe it was because he looked like he showered at least once a week or maybe it was his guitar riffs. Either way for some reason I act like I love this song when it comes on the radio (because God knows I wouldnt waste money on iTunes downloading it) and I pretend to know all the lyrics as I bang my head and realize all I know is “breathe in – breathe out, breathe in – breathe out.”

5. Matchbox 20: When you think of Matchbox 20, you think of driving in the car to the grocery store with your Mom. They were that typical 90s Mom-rock that was a little too old for us to understand but we still sang along to the choruses. Elementary school wasn’t mature enough for us yet to have control over the radio stations yet so Mix 94.1 it was and we heard this song every hour and a half, on the hour and a half.

4. Beastie Boys: I actually love the Beastie Boys and feel they are a hip hop artist more than rock but I felt weird not putting them on the list. I always felt white people were almost a little racist towards them because they were Jews from New York who rapped, while they were just doing what they loved. I almost even waited in line over night senior year of high school for their MTV $2 Bill Concert series but decided to go play basketball at 24 instead. They have so many good songs so it is hard for me to choose but this one is probably my favorite.

3.  Red Hot Chili Peppers: My first remembrance of a Pepper is in “Point Break” when Johnny Utah is chasing Anthony Keidis’ character and he accidentally shoots himself in the foot. For someone who listens to rap you would think I would be able to make out his lyrics but he was even to quick for me sometimes. They are legends to me and really really good to people who know rock and roll music. Is it weird that I feel like a douche even saying the phrase “rock n roll” or even “rock” for that matter?

2. Blink 182: These were the awkward middle school years which made you choose your path for life. You were either going to be normal or wear JNCO jeans that covered your Soap shoes for the rest of your life. Hopefully you’re not wearing those while reading this and if you are, I apologize. Travis Barker is the best drummer ever and I used to have a huge crush on his ex-wife before she was his wife, Shanna Moakler, when I would watch her on “Pacific Blue” Saturday mornings.

Also, notice how few tattoos they all had at the time before the blew up.

1. Linkin Park: Once again it took a rapper to wide my musical horizons to music that was made with real drums instead of a drum machine and keyboard. I wasn’t one of those rebellious “Screw you Dad” kids but their music reached out to all those kids and I thank them for that. A lot of those kids would be in a bad place right now if they weren’t able to cope with their “issues” if it weren’t for Linkin Park. I used to listen to their mash-up album with Jay-Z , “Collision Course” (that I downloaded on Napster) on repeat in the stock room of Champs. This is one of my favorite songs of all time because of the creativity and because H.O.V.A. refers to me when he says “Not for nothin’ ever happen, I be forever Mackin.” I see you too Jigga, I see you bruh.