Astrology is a Bunch of Hocus Pocus

I was just talking to someone this week about how I think astrology is a bunch of malarkey and this further illustrates my argument. Astrology is based on pre-Babylonian times where people based their lives off the positioning of the stars forming constellations. Our signs are then based on the Earth’s axis in relation to the fixed stars in the sky.

The idea that everyone born in a particular month or season has the same traits has always been absolutely ridiculous to me. To think that the hundreds of millions of people who are born within the same time and place of birth are born with the same astrological genes is a bunch of poopoo caacaa. Astrologers (aka fictitious fibbers) say that people born in the same astrological period are born with the same astrological genetic qualities.

What does this mean? It supposedly means that they all have the same astrological genetic code in that the people should act alike to a certain extent. The cover their asses by saying it is all subject to change by their social environment and how their lives are molded. Well, obviously not everyone who is born within the same astrological alignment is going to live their life with the same social and physical interactions as everyone else.

So, basically it is form of witchcraft with no real proof of being true. There are two types of people who read their horoscopes: people believe the mumbo jumbo and subconsciously live their life according to whatever their horoscope says or people like me who read it and say “I do not do that, that is not me, that is a bunch of bullshit, now put the “US Weekly” down, we gotta go.”

And this week all of this deceitful science was proven to be a fallacy once again by another star sorcerer. This week it was found that eons ago a 13th astrological sign Ophiuchus was discarded because they wanted 12 months instead of the superstitious unlucky 13 months. These witches can brew up any potion they like and worship it like a religion. In fact, Libra didn’t even exist until the era of “Orange” Julius Caesar.

Apparently there has been a gravitational shift, throwing off the current astrological assignment and thus giving everyone a new astrological sign, a new stellar genetic code, and new horoscope. People who are now born in the starry month of Ophiuchus have a new way to live their life. And if astrologers are right they are forced to live their life that way and there is no way around it. Does this mean that everyone who once was in the age of Aquarius who aligned with those qualities and liked those qualities is now forced to forfeit their horoscope for that of a Capricorn, whether they like it or not?

Yep! I tried finding the “40 Year Old Virgin” version of this interpretive dance bet the embedding was disabled by request, whatever that means. The one good thing is that this has better odds for underage drinkers who try to get into the beer pong Tournament at Blondies on Tuesdays. They now an 8.3% better chance of trying to remember the sign of the person’s ID they found. So, I guess witchcraft is good for something…

So, now that all of our lives have dramatically changed without even asking for your permission you need to have your new horoscope before you go out into the world, so that you can be sure to live your life the way the stars tell you to. Here is your new horoscope and the new qualities  and characteristics that you were given. So, if anyone sees I sees you acting differently, they will know why…

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ophiuchus

If you are concerned I suggest you make an appointment as soon as possible with a registered psychic or tarot card reader. With this being such a traumatic lifestyle change to most people there is a good chance they will be booked solid for the next month or so. Your best shot at really figuring your life out would be to call 98.5 KLUC Wednesday morning and try to get through so that you can talk to Psychic Gary Spivey.

Yes, this friggin guy is real. This is what the guy who can predict your future, get rid of all your demons, and make you feel warm all over actually looks like. If you believed in astrology and psychics before reading this blog, I pray that after seeing the picture of this douchelord has changed your opinion and God Bless you.

Everytime Police Step Up In the Buildin’, Everybody’s Hands Should Go Up!

And they stay there, and they stay there, and they stay there!

Up, Up

Up, Up

Up, Up

I just don’t get it. If a cop asks you to do something you do it. When you get pulled over for speeding and they ask for your license and registration, you start fumbling through your glove box for them nervously and immediately. You don’t talk back and ask for his license and registration. They are the police and you are to do what they say. On this Thoughtful Thursday, I am venturing into a slightly more controversial issue to develop my insider reporting skills like the guy from “To Catch a Predator.”

There have been a lot of stories in the news having to do with police shooting perps for different reasons and a lot of controversy about whether or not the shots fired were justified. I don’t want to get to far into the details of each case because this isn’t a trial or an inquest, and we would be here forever. However, I would like to discuss the thought process of the parties involved.

There obviously is the infamous case of the Summerlin Costco shooting and more recently on New Years Eve in North Las Vegas. In both instances the civilians were acting out of line. You don’t go running up and down aisles of Costco knocking TVs and shit over, then when shit hits the fan and the fuzz gets called, expect have to not listen to what they ask of you. No one calls the cops on Costco shoppers who are going about their businesseating demos and buying bulk cereal.

If you are completely innocent then the quickest and easiest way of diffusing the situation is by doing what the say and then when they ask you to talk you can say whatever you want. Because if you truly were innocent you would have no reason to lie or act all crazy like. But if you are nuckin and buckin at 4pm and getting crunk without any music you better be able to answer some questions.

In the most recent case on New Year’s, just after midnight there was a case of some individuals who were celebrating by poppin of their 9s in the middle of the street instead of blowing kazoos or throwing confetti. I understand different people celebrate different holidays in their own ways but I’m pretty sure one of those customs is not shooting guns in the middle of a residential neighborhood and the when the “black and whites” roll up you act like they’re hating on you.

So, let’s assume you were minding your own business and not doing anything suspicious or wrong, would you be apt to help the police with whatever they are doing? If you were innocent you wouldn’t get all butt-hurt and nervous when they ask you to put your bazooka down or to get out of your tank with your hands where they can see them.

I’m not saying police should be going around like it’s the Wild West serving up their own brand of justice but if they go to a call where someone is armed or potentially armed, they should absolutely have their guns drawn, to protect the safety of the civilians around. Then if the perp doesn’t comply with simple and legal requests but instead they reach for things. Whether it is a gun or $1.50 Costco hot dog (with 20oz. soda), then they absolutely have the right to fire because neither are necessary items to be waiving around when you are asked not to.

It really bothers me that they are police having their careers put in jeopardy for justified split-second decisions when they put their lives in jeopardy everyday for us just by doing their jobs. I have sympathy for the families and friends of people whose lives were lost due to police shooting but they put themselves in a bad situation that they easily could have taken themselves out of by complying with the police. Or how about not acting stupid in the first place. What a novel idea that is? Here is an example of how not to listen…

I don’t want to ride my high horse for too long but more so just state my opinion in appreciation for what the police do. Without them and other forms of socialized law enforcement the cities, states, and country that we live in would be a much different place that I would not want to live in. But because of them we feel safe, as safe as we can feel I guess, and I salute the Mahoneys, Tackleberrys, and Hightowers of the world. Thank you for service and God Bless YOU!