Top Ten Quarterbacks of All Time

I know there is going to be a lot of room for debate on this Top Tensday Wednesday because this list could go many different ways but I do appreciate the mutual respect as it is my opinion and I don’t deserved to be lynched for not agreeing with all of you. That being said I encourage feedback pertaining to your differing discretions. Most of my lists tend to take a more modern spin and naturally so because I am obviously more familiar with my generation than I am with past.

This list will highlight the characteristics that make ten dudes ten of the best of all time at the most infamous position in all of sports. I mean there aren’t exactly people going around making lists for the best Left Tackles and best Punters of all time. It will take into account their collegiate, professional, and off the field skills as well. So without further a due, I give you my Top Ten Quarterbacks of All Time.

10. Joe Namath: Broadway Joe epitomized the position and was a great leader with great confidence. Dude would show up to games drunk and still drop 400 yards passing. His aura and mild arrogance gave him the mental edge that he may have lacked physically, as he was able to get in the opposition’s head by guaranteeing a win. If you ladies don’t recall his playing days you may be more familiar with this…

9. Kurt Warner: Now, even I know Kurt Warner is not one of the top ten but something compelled me to throw him a bone, he probably isn’t even in the top twenty realistically but whatever. He went from bagging groceries to wearing a Super Bowl ring in a matter of a few short years of which, I was at the game so I might be a little biased. He has amazing footwork as you have seen on DWTS, he throws wearing a receiver gloves which is tough because it gives a little tack to the ball and he is good Christian family man who I admire.

8. Troy Aikman: As much as I didn’t want to put a Cowboy on here I had to. It was either him or Roger Staubach so I went with Troy Aikman  for his commentating pros. He is one of my favorite analysts for his validity and high-level of experience. He is a Cali kid who adopted his redneck nature with his short stint at Oklahoma and obviously in Dallas. With help from Michael Irvin (The U) and Emmitt Smith he led Dallas to winning the title of America’s team which is currently up for grabs. And above all he just looks like a quarterback.

7. Johnny Unitas: Johnny U may have been the most talented quarterback of all time or at least that’s what NFL Films tells me. His “golden arm” was a hose and was actually clocked at throwing a football faster than an Andy Roddick serve. I made that up. He was a big part of “the best game ever played” between his Baltimore Colts and my New York Giants, where came out on top in sudden death. He also had a buttload of MVP’s between the many different football leagues there were at the time. He also is the inspiration for Spike’s haircut in “Little Giants.”

6. Tom Brady: The new spokesperson for Uggs and Justin Bieber haricuts was not always destined to date supermodels and live this rock-star lifestyle. He was drafted 199th overall in the 6th round by the Pats out of Michigan. He was drafted as a backup to Drew Bledsoe and surely passed him as he is one of the best pocket passers ever. He can’t move that well outside of the pocket but he has uncanny accuracy. I think if he ever leaves Boston for a flashier city then Dan Aykroyd and the guy from “Home Alone” would hunt him down and kidnap him like they did in “Celtic Pride.”

5. Peyton Manning: “Let’s go insurance adjusters! Let’s go”! He is probably the smartest quarterback of all time. He watches more video than an unemployed construction worker with a Redbox gift card. I love watching his big and clunky feet high step around the pocket as he drills passes down the middle of the field. I don’t know if it is sub-par receiving core this year or what but it seems as though he may be on the tail end of his career much like Kobe lol. He will probably be a good analyst and still has some great commericals, here are some of the best…

4. Dan Marino: The best quarterback to never win a ring. The best player to ever come out of Pitt. The best player to ever wear orange and teal. I wish he was on the undefeated 72 Dolphins team too but he probably wouldn’t have been able to play all the way through “Ace Ventura: Pet Detective” then. He had ridiculous stat sheets that never will really matter and it is all Ray Finkle’s fault (saracsm font).

3. John Elway: The best thing that ever happened to Denver. I would have been happier if he would have stayed with the Yankees when they drafted him in 81 but “shoulda/coulda/woulda” right? It seemed like he was going to be the next Marino when he and Terrell Davis had a late run in their careers winning a few games with Mike Shanahan. I don’t really have much else to say about him, he’s kinda boring like most things out of Denver.

2. Brett Favre: Peyton was the smartest and Brett is by far the dumbest. I heard he used to break up fraternity parties in college, beat the shit out of all the brothers, and then throw his party in their house. He absolutely ruined his legacy several times by going to the Jets, made up for it a little bit by going to the NFC ship, and then ruined it again by stringing the Vikings along this year again. I lost a lot of respect for him with his selfishness both on the field and off the field.

1. Joe Montana: Or as some people know him – Joe Montaegna. He is the combination of all the preceding quarterbacks’ good characteristics. He had Brett’s gun, Elway’s rings, Dan’s stats, Peyton’s smartness, Brady’s accuracy, Johnny U’s build, Troy’s competition, Kurt’s kids, and Joe’s charisma. He did it all. He won it all. And now he has kids doing it all in his footsteps as he watches their games in his “Skechers Shape-ups.” Not to mention he played with Rudy at Notre Dame.

The State of the BCS Address

What a crazy weekend for college football? It is weekends like this that hold collegiate athletics above professional athletics on my shelves of sports right below Buzz’s tarantula. Boise State was upset by UNR (not Nevada) UNR because of a limp-legged kicker who will be the highest scoring football player of all time. This just furthers my opinion that we should shoe the place-kickers out of football and let soccer players kick point afters.

My dude, Randy Shannon, is now filing his unemployment claims after being fired from The U. On paper he didn’t look that good going 7-5 this year but they had a tough schedule and had a lot of injuries. Not only did he better the image of the “Thug U,” he did his most important job by recruiting kids with dreads in South Florida. He then took those kids from the hood and produced the third highest graduation rate behind Army and Navy.

Auburn overtook Oregon’s top spot with their win over Bama. Oregon smashed Mike Stoops and a good U of A team but it all really comes down to this weekend. Both of them play good teams in South Carolina and Oregon State in an away Civil War game. I pray my Ducks beat the confederacy but I would not be surprised if in-state rival upset them. Cam Newton is too dirty to lose and God knows he probably has some sort of personal monetary incentive for making it to Glendale.

If one of them were to lose I believe TCU should be able to play in BCS Championship regardless of their conference. Let’s just say they have a better defense than another professional team in the greater Dallas/Ft. Worth area. If they don’t lose they should be heading to So-Cal to play Wisconsin in the Rose Bowl who they will handle with ease.

“The BCS does not define TCU, TCU defines the BCS.” Says TCU Athletic Director, Mike Del Conte. Most people were shocked that TCU decided to join the Big Eat because of the geographic unnaturality of it. I think I pulled a “George W. Bush” and made that word up but Spell Check didn’t say shit, so whatever. The average distance from TCU’s student union to Big East schools is around 1,200 miles. That may seem like a lot but TCU isn’t exactly walking distance from Wyoming either, so that doesn’t really bother me.

The Sugar Bowl has dibs in which they decide to play in the Sugar Bowl. It will most likely be the battle of the 6th and 7th ranked teams with the 3rd and 4th best quarterbacks with Arkansas and Ryan Mallet vs. The Ohio State University and Terrell Pryor. I foresee the Buckeyes coming out on top because Ryan Mallet looks like a redneck and TP has a fresh high top fade.

I think the Orange Bowl will have a few trees in it with Stanford playing the ACC champion VA Tech. This would be an awesome game with the relentless power of Andrew Luck and his tough smart kids vs. the shifty and quick Hokies. If Stanford wears the black unis, then they win. If Va Tech wears their Nike Pro Combats, then they win. If for some weird reason they both were all black than the game will have a rain delay and upon the return, the game will result in a stalemate in which the score will be settled by a game of Connect Four that Stanford’s long-snapper will lead to victory.

If potential Big East Champion Pitt/WestVirgina/UConn doesn’t get their Vitamin C in the Orange Bowl they will be partying in the Fiesta Bowl against the overrated Big 12. I’m guessing we’ll see Pitt because I like Larry Fitz and Oklahoma because I like Adrian Peterson. If Larry Fitz’s Dad and Adrian Petersn’s Dad got in a fight, then I would take All-Day’s Dad all day. Thus, Oklahoma wins the Fiesta Bowl.

Boise State will ending up playing in their hometown Humanitarian Bowl against UNR again and will probably beat the Pack by 31 points but it will have come too little too late. No one really cares about the other bowls like the Poinsettia, Fight the Hunger, or Las Vegas so I don’t want to go to in depth on those. Besides, someone will probably lose and throw off the list and 35 minutes I took to write this. Go Ducks, Jon Grudens, Horn Frogs, Buckeyes, Hokies, and Adrian Peterson’s Dad.

The NFL’s Worst Uniforms

I love the collaboration of sports and fashion when it comes to nice uniforms. As, a whole I would say that the NFL is no on the forefront of uniform designs and I kind of get that. They’re good with consistency, not switching too many things up and losing or confusing fans. The NFL, while it may be young in its existence is a fair traditional and conservative institution that prides itself on its history.

So, I do understand why they do not necessarily have the most groundbreaking and daring uniforms and are more comfortable with nothing outside of the secondary color wheel and 2 striped shoulder pads. So please take this list with a grain of salt and enjoy.

Philadelphia Eagles: The old school kelly green unis we saw Mike Vick scurrying all over the field in this weekend are much nicer than the latest. My main problem consists with the color choice, as this is where many of my issues come with the uniforms. It’s hard to say I am an Eagles fan, a fan of the blank and black? I mean what color is that? It’s like if someone took Florida Marlin teal and Raider black and got this awk concoction.

Kansas City Chiefs: The Chiefs aren’t that bad. I’m not completely against their color scheme. I mean Joe Montana made them look good for like a week. My problem resides in their front office. I don’t know whose decision it was last year, but I starkly remember when they played the Dallas Cowboys, Kansas City wore their former Dallas Texans unis but it was dumb. I understand that it is a part of their past which is fine and they should rock them once a year but why would you choose that one time to be when you play the team who dominates not only the region in fan base but your own state. I think KC lost the 17 fans they had in Kansas and Oklahoma to Dallas that week.

Washington Redskins: I still don’t know how the Skins have lasted by keeping their namesake in this age of political correctness but somehow they have salvaged it and more power to them. They have never really produced a good team; they draft a lot of good players, and then trade them away from their hideous colorway. I think it started as plain maroon jerseys, and then Dan Snyder’s Great Grandfather spilled mustard from his hot dog on his replica jersey and created that monster. The players try to even wear black and yellow cleats to liven the unis up a little but it just looks bad because it brings out the mustardiness in the colorway even more. Ugh!

St. Louis Rams: Usually I am a fan of creative design in uniforms when it incorporates the team mascot into the uniform and especially the helmet. However, this particular instance just doesn’t do it for me. I wasn’t a fan of the royal blue and yellow. I am not a fan of the navy blue and gold. Honestly, I think they should move the team back to LA and start from scratch by rebranding the team by calling them the Los Angeles Stars. The name “Stars” enables them to play off of their fan base of Hollywood. As much as I hate the Lakers they would have modern purple and gold uniforms. The Lake show has millions of fans who love rockin the purple and gold. The logo would consist of a modern version of gold stars in a dark purple sky. They have a new quarterback with a bright future and could do a lot of big things with Ari Gold as the owner and Pete Carroll coming back to SoCal to coach. I know I’m genius right?

Cleveland Browns: I feel bad even saying this because the state of Ohio just isn’t very good anything. They have shitty franchise in every sports and lose all of their soon to be stars because they can’t get their kindergarteners in a single file line. Obviously, a “Brown” is in reference to the canine. But it is rare that the franchise makes reference to their namesake or incorporates it into their brand. So, some dumb Clevelander (not the nightclub) probably thought to just make them it the color. Oh and then let’s throw some orange puke in there to match the shit brown. Typical Ohio.

Denver Broncos: Denver is a great city graced with a horrible franchise. Any future success left the Rockies when John Elway and Terrell Davis did. Their current uniforms suck and their previous ones were absolutely horrendous. And it is the dumb front office that has decided to bring them back not sparingly but wear them pretty much every other week. They resemble the situation in Cleveland in that they have the same base color of shit and they too can’t get their players on the same page. They were dumb by adding a vertically striped sock to match the rest of their Bonanza High School JV uniforms. But some players twist the socks and some pull them straight leaving everyone in Denver in a cold and snowy mess.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers: This review comes with much dismay and disappointment because I know they can accomplish so much more in Tampa. They have beautiful weather year round, a ton of fans in a great football state, a great mascot, but the walked it all off the plank with their current uniforms. Their expansion uniforms were nothing short of beautiful. They looked like delicious creamsicles in the form of stellar athletes. And in the current era they would be more modern and even way nicer. With the bright colors they would look like a jerk crew with pads. I don’t even know where to start in describing their current colors of I guess rusted copper and red?

Dallas Cowboys: Now, I am going to restrain myself from being biased because I hate everything from Texas and the Cowboys in particular. But I did pick them to win the Super Bowl in the Taj Majones this year. So, that should be a reflection of my objectiveness. The Cowboys are a “Van Gogh” so to speak. They look good from far away but when you look up close they’re an abstract sponge painting. The colorway of silver pants/white jersey/silver helmet troubles me. The pants are silver with a tinge of aqua in them when they hit the light. White traditional jersey-no quams there for the most part. The traditional design is fine; however, the royal blue trim is where confusion comes to play. The silver helmet does not match the silver pants!!!!! Two completely different colors. The navy blue star on the helmet does not match royal blue trim on the jersey!!!! Just make them the same color silver and same color blue!!!!!! Shit!!!!