In the wake of all the hype stemming from the release of the acts for Coachella 2011, I decided to do a little research. First, I had never even heard of Coachella before and found out that it was a music festival near Palm Springs, CA similar to a modern version of Woodstock where hipsters come together and camp out for 3 days while doing shrooms and trippin out to 162 (if I counted correctly) different acts.
Of the hundred plus different acts I recognized Kanye, Wiz, Lauryn Hill, The Black Keys, and like 4 DJs. I understand that their lineup stretches across a multitude of genres of music, bringing thousands of people with different tastes of music and different types of marijuana from afar to a single patch of grass. However, this obviously isn’t necessarily my cup of tea.
Therefore, I have devised a set list for the miniscule percentage of the population like me who only get their music from listening to www.hotnewhiphop.com and “Tiger Beat Magazine.” Mackinchella 2011 will feature the latest in “hip-pop” music ranging from Drake to 5ive. Aside from the presumably obvious headliners from this genre that will be in attendance, I would like to focus on the openers and more forgotten acts of the last 10 years. I have gone into great detail so that you don’t have to familiarize yourself again with the music of our recent past and childhood.
I feel that SAE, Nick Lachey, is completely underrated as an artist and a husband. He was the driving force behind 98 Degrees and had a decent solo career while riding the coattails of Jessica Simpson. This song is obviously about the infamous breakup over Buffalo Wings but is a great song nonetheless. Swear to God, I would listen to this song on repeat for hours on end while sleeping on stand, lifeguarding at Caesars Palace.”Falling faster, barely breathing, give me something to believe in.” I mean they just don’t make music like this anymore.
“Back Here” is very similar to “What’s left of me” melodically and that is why I like it. Actually, I’m lying, I don’t even really know what melody means, but it reminds of this song a little a bit. I remember sitting around brainstorming songs for serenades in 2006 and when this little gem hit me, it had the panties flying from Lied Library to the old SU. I don’t know if it was our fake British accents our Pete’s sweet and innocent guitar skills but this song just leaves you feeling all tingly inside.
Danielle isn’t exactly ecstatic that this is my favorite BSB song of all time but at the same time she can’t help but singing along with me. “Black and Blue” was their best album to date that is if their collaboration with NKOTB doesn’t knock them off. It had the nice flamenco guitar, plenty of bass to make your trunk rattle rolling down MLK Jr Blvd, and even enough snare for Eminem’s headphones.
This rap joint has a nice summatime/bubble gum pop feel to it, right? Fabo is one of my all time favorite rappers. Some of the bars he comes up with is absolutely unheard of. This song almost made me propose by saying to Danielle “But since you been ‘aksin’ bout da friends, how’d you like it if bof ah names had Mackin on da end”? Almost, but I felt like I didn’t wanna feel like a wigger when I was old telling people how I proposed.
This is just one of those where if it catches you in a good mood on shuffle you will pretend to know the lyrics by scating along but in reality you are off. Then the only lyrics you do know are “And if you wanna call me baby, just go ahead now baby.” That’s it. You can pretend to know the rest by mumbling or looking away when you bob your head (that’s what I do) but everyone will know you don’t know them because they don’t know them either.
En Vogue was Destiny’s Child when Kelly Rowland was still in playing “Skip It” and Beyonce was taping up Jonathan Taylor Thomas posters to the back of her door. I feel like this song is what Cougar and Jaguar divorcees worldwide, play when they have “tupperware parties” once they’re all red wine drunk and feeling slippery. They had some pipes on them and could really belt out some high and powerful notes across the whole Mackinchella Valley.
Brandy and Monica
I feel like “The Boy is Mine” was the theme song for most girls in middle school to act like they were cooler than they were. They would act a little more ghetto than they were and pretend to have serious relationships with guys they hugged for the first time walking into 4th period and break up with them before 2:11pm. They then would run home and call their boyfriends on their personal land lines and try to “punt” the other girls off of AIM.
If this song never came out back in the day, and came out tomorrow it would still be hot. People think T-Pain was the Godfather of Auto-tune when in reality it is Cher, that Jay-Z should be writing songs about. Especially with all of the house and techno beats infused into hip-pop music today, you could hear this song on the radio and think it was Ke$ha.
Goosebumps right? Yeah, Ashley Parker Angel does that to me too. This song is for the long awaitied return of the 2nd best form of man-made and manufactured music from Orlando www.okmagazine.com/2011/01/o-town-boys-are-reuniting-making-new-music/. They weren’t the best boy bad ever but let’s be honest they had some stiff competition and at least this song was a lot better than “Liquid Dreams” lol.
I hope this little snippet gives you an idea of the type of music you can listen to in a fun and completely drug-free environment. The event will be hosted by Snooki from “The Jersey Shore” and Rex Ryan from the New York Jets (now that he has plenty of spare time) and Sean Hannity. While the acts’ groupies are switching out the instruments (not that any of these acts play instruments, but their bands do) one TV screens we will be showing episodes of “Boy Meets World” in 3D, “PTI,” and “Diners, Drive-Ins, and Drives.”
Tickets go on sale 1/31/11 and can be purchased from any Foot Locker location or online at www.jonmackin.wordpress.com. Be sure to get your tickets fast because hotel rooms will fill up quick. Thank you.